"Lend me a wish"

 In my considerable free time, I finally managed to do something I'd been vaguely contemplating doing for a very long time.     Of the 783 things that might be lyrics I have used as titles, I can't identify 42.  I suspect half of them aren't quotes at all, and the other half are either misquotes or things that happened in real life.   Approx 70 are from tv, movies, poems and books, 107 are Kris Delmhorst quotes, 103 are ani quotes, 58 are Dar Williams quotes, 29 are weakerthans and  23 EFO, 

 

There's some interesting-to-me distribution over time, my strong Ani period was heavily slanted towards the beginning of my lj/dw under this name, which started in July 2003  (there was a previous journal, from 10/01-6/03, which I abandoned a little bit because of the name and a little bit because my ex was calling me a slut in my comments.   But, looking back at it, wow was I all over the place in my mid twenties, and wow did I enjoy some of those memes
 

Yesterday I had the thought "Crap, I only finished one book today" and today I got a little nervous because I wasn't sure I was going to finish what I was reading today, which would put me at zero books.   But not only did I manage to make perfectly adequate Smitten Kitchen leek fritters, I did finish a book.  

 

I think it's just going to be a lot of days of feeling like I'm not accomplishing enough and that eventually I'll have to sit down and figure out what enough would look like, and re-iterate to myself that if the conditions of success are unachievable, then not achieving them is kind of a foregone conclusion, not something that should make me feel empty or full.

 

I've been wondering about how my tone of voice is coming off these days, I'm not sure if it's insecurity or irritation or isolation that leaves me doubting everything I say moments after I say it (where say usually means type).  Editing usually seems to make either it worse, or me feel more plagued by doubt.  And things I think are perfectly reasonable conversational bids, are met with silence.  I think I need to figure out how to practice talking to people, or being interesting. Or maybe I'm not actually adequately demonstrating my fascination with the people who fascinate me.  

 

In today's dated references, there was a tweet today that I shared with Light and he shared with his office, and apparently they did not find it as uproarious as he and I did.  it was the dad joke about the world health organization no longer quarantined dogs and the punch line is "yes, that's right, WHO let the dogs out". So on the one hand we old. but on the other hand sometimes dated references feel like a secret language, and as long as I make Light and Abundance laugh, I'm doing okay.  (delight and I have a subtly different sort of shared humor)

 

But now, some jigsaw puzzle before bed.