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Jan. 9th, 2018 09:00 pm Came home from Delight's with a migraine today. I wanted to try to tough it out, she's unwell and while she's more than capable of taking care of Spark solo, I didn't want her to have to. But, as per usual, she's wiser about these things (when it comes to me at least) than I am. I don't remember driving home, I have a vague memory of ordering pizza and then just sort of sitting on the couch and staring at the pizza box like I thought it was going to do something.
I eventually moved (at Abundance's prompting) into a darker room, at which point I discovered I was absurdly dizzy, though it was something a little more than that, I could feel the ground lurching under my feet even though I'm at least 98% sure that my house wasn't moving. Vertigo, I guess? But dozing in and out of consciousness, half-watching the latest season of the Voice just because I've become obsessed with the Pitch Perfect/Voice Freedom/Cups mashup. (seriously, go check it out).
One of my hopes for the new year is to develop something of a meditation habit, but we foolishly tried to start one last night and I got about twenty seconds into trying to settle and realized if I wasn't thinking about something else, the desire to gnaw my arm off at the elbow to stop the itching became overwhelming. So we've shelfed that for a bit yet.
I turn 42 next week, another year older. I keep sort of sidling up to mortality issues and then closing my eyes and covering my ears so I don't have to cope with them right now. I don't love being a cliche, I don't want another midlife crisis, or more of the same one. I want something more peaceful from 2018 I think. But I also want 2018 to be a year of more action, more volunteering, more engagement. Work in progress and all that.
I eventually moved (at Abundance's prompting) into a darker room, at which point I discovered I was absurdly dizzy, though it was something a little more than that, I could feel the ground lurching under my feet even though I'm at least 98% sure that my house wasn't moving. Vertigo, I guess? But dozing in and out of consciousness, half-watching the latest season of the Voice just because I've become obsessed with the Pitch Perfect/Voice Freedom/Cups mashup. (seriously, go check it out).
One of my hopes for the new year is to develop something of a meditation habit, but we foolishly tried to start one last night and I got about twenty seconds into trying to settle and realized if I wasn't thinking about something else, the desire to gnaw my arm off at the elbow to stop the itching became overwhelming. So we've shelfed that for a bit yet.
I turn 42 next week, another year older. I keep sort of sidling up to mortality issues and then closing my eyes and covering my ears so I don't have to cope with them right now. I don't love being a cliche, I don't want another midlife crisis, or more of the same one. I want something more peaceful from 2018 I think. But I also want 2018 to be a year of more action, more volunteering, more engagement. Work in progress and all that.
