"I prefer leaves without flowers to flowers without leaves."

My therapist told me to write this down.   My therapist teared up when I told her about my week and a half, not in the creepy former therapist way, but she was just so happy for me.

I came out to my therapist about mostlydating Feste, and at three different times in the story she declared her love for him. 

But I also told her about my week.  About the sour milk, the cat that wasn't eating, the uncomfortable poly negotiation, realizing I didn't like my trainer, coming home to a lowbattery one-beep-per-minute firealarm and five absolutely freaked out animals, and how the stepladder didn't work so I had to climb up on the rickety chair and I can't locate sound for shit, so I had to pull three different things out the wall, all of which rained celing grit down on me, how I put my Hawaii mug on the table in a location that when Light walked by, he knocked it off and shattered the handle into three pieces, how last weekend I went to hips and hands got (mostly) naked  and had a gazillion pictures of my back tattoo taken, first in their backyard and then in Hips' art room in front of bookcases.  I'm pretty sure the photographer was the third person to see me naked after Hips and Hands (and medical personnel and the whole Healthworks changing room, but that's different)  She turned around the photos crazy-quick and I reviewed them all, and initially I had thought I was going to say "no faces" but felt brave in the moment and didn't.  And it turns out, I still kind of think I'm a unattractive overweight person with kickass tattoos, and I was kind of in a funk after I saw the pictures, but I could see that I was in a funk, and that was fine and kind of funny.   And then Light and I had a massive miscommunication about his work's summer party that ended up with us not going to it (It was at Canobie Lake) and him going to work and me staying home.    And then I decided out of the blue, to see if a bikini wax made me feel any more grounded in my body, and so had My First Bikini Wax, and it totally did (though I'm not in love with how my skin's responding the next day).   And I signed up to take undergrad latin at the extension school for credit.    And I said no to conchairing anything.  And I had my kickstarter brunch with Melissa Ferrick, and she took my cellphone number and gave me hers and she's going to text me to see if I want to go to an AA meeting with her.  And Tanning's started to lick my hand, just like Funnyface, and her eyes shoot different colored laser beams in photos, just like Funnyface's did and I'm trying like hell not to think I got a little bit of Funnyface back but maybe I am, or maybe it couldn't hurt to think I am.

And through all of this, I was bemused and could see when I was hurt or upset, but didn't think the world was ending.  I have this feeling, which I kind of hate but is kind of awesome, that everything's going to work out.  It's probably going to hurt like hell, and take a lot of work, but it might just be okay.