"I walk in stride with people much taller than me"

I have a wicked sweet tooth. I drink my tea too sweet, I own seven kinds of honey, I have firm opinions about maple syrup grades. I can almost invariably be bribed by root beer floats, marzipan or ice cream with things in it.

I do too many things, crash, hermit for a while, and then start doing too many things again. I'm working on finding a happy medium, but it seems like the baseline keeps shifting. I thought/hoped that getting a dog would make me more home-bound, but she's so damn well-behaved that I've adjusted to her presence and just factor going home to let her out into my plans.

I want to be wanted, and I've always assumed that the only path to that is my utility or my promiscuity, and since I gave up the latter years and years ago, I've been trying to rock the former. And I can tell that the former isn't exactly working for me either.

I'm obsessed with the words mercy and grace. but it's possible that I don't believe either of them are really accessible or I don't know what either of them mean. I've always wanted to be graceful, and I always translated that as self-sufficient and easy to leave. I say that I think it's possibly mercy that keeps me from remembering a lot of the first twentyfive years of my life, but it might be a disassociative disorder.

I was tough. years ago, I thought I had it figured out, I thought I knew the answer to "take me as is or not at all", I thought no one would ever love me, so why should I even bother trying? I thought that the world was going to kill me, so I was just going to kill time until it did. I miss that defiance, even if I don't miss being that unhinged, untethered.

I used to complain about not knowing how to want, that I had subsumed all my desires and could not actually identify what I wanted, that other people were always going to be less adaptable than I was, that my flexibility carried with it a moral imperative to be flexible. Now I want everything, or maybe just the things I can't have. A hand on my back, and a thunderstorm every Sunday. A couple less 'learning opportunities' in my path.

I asked Light what three adjectives he'd use to describe me. For some reason, I'd been thinking about words, and self-image, and how people present themselves and how my image of myself might or might not line up with reality. He choose smart, determined and snarky.

I chose relentless, fucked up and well-read.

"I walk in stride with people much taller than me"

I have a wicked sweet tooth. I drink my tea too sweet, I own seven kinds of honey, I have firm opinions about maple syrup grades. I can almost invariably be bribed by root beer floats, marzipan or ice cream with things in it.

I do too many things, crash, hermit for a while, and then start doing too many things again. I'm working on finding a happy medium, but it seems like the baseline keeps shifting. I thought/hoped that getting a dog would make me more home-bound, but she's so damn well-behaved that I've adjusted to her presence and just factor going home to let her out into my plans.

I want to be wanted, and I've always assumed that the only path to that is my utility or my promiscuity, and since I gave up the latter years and years ago, I've been trying to rock the former. And I can tell that the former isn't exactly working for me either.

I'm obsessed with the words mercy and grace. but it's possible that I don't believe either of them are really accessible or I don't know what either of them mean. I've always wanted to be graceful, and I always translated that as self-sufficient and easy to leave. I say that I think it's possibly mercy that keeps me from remembering a lot of the first twentyfive years of my life, but it might be a disassociative disorder.

I was tough. years ago, I thought I had it figured out, I thought I knew the answer to "take me as is or not at all", I thought no one would ever love me, so why should I even bother trying? I thought that the world was going to kill me, so I was just going to kill time until it did. I miss that defiance, even if I don't miss being that unhinged, untethered.

I used to complain about not knowing how to want, that I had subsumed all my desires and could not actually identify what I wanted, that other people were always going to be less adaptable than I was, that my flexibility carried with it a moral imperative to be flexible. Now I want everything, or maybe just the things I can't have. A hand on my back, and a thunderstorm every Sunday. A couple less 'learning opportunities' in my path.

I asked Light what three adjectives he'd use to describe me. For some reason, I'd been thinking about words, and self-image, and how people present themselves and how my image of myself might or might not line up with reality. He choose smart, determined and snarky.

I chose relentless, fucked up and well-read.