(no subject)

So, I'm giving work another week. I'm telling myself it's ipod money.

I also realized that almost all of the handwringing and weeping of my impending unemployment can be traced directly to the fact that I assume all change will be for the worse, and even more so if I don't know what's on the other side of the change (which I almost never do).

Light points out that unless my next job involves being flayed, there's not much chance of it being worse. I, on the other hand, assume that my next job will make me just as miserable as this job, but I'll have to drive for an hour to get to it and get paid less to do it. And when he tells me everything will be fine, I just reply "but what if it's not?" and burst into tears. Ah, fun.

I'm not sure exactly how I acquired this particular belief system, and I realize it's only a fraction of the ways in which I'm skirting the fine line of functional/nonfunctional, but I think I'd like to find a new way of thinking. And, as frosting on all the maladaptive behavior, I assume that everyone else deals with this level of terror, and that they just do better hiding it/coping with it. So, not only am I full of anxiety, I get to beat myself up about it all the time. Blessedly, I can at least find it all a little bit funny.

For my wedding present, Mech's going to come out and take pictures of Northampton for me before we move, which is wicked excited. Light just pulled in the driveway and my cat is eating fuzzy things off the couch. I think I'm going to go try to bask in the good parts for as long as I can.

(no subject)

So, I'm giving work another week. I'm telling myself it's ipod money.

I also realized that almost all of the handwringing and weeping of my impending unemployment can be traced directly to the fact that I assume all change will be for the worse, and even more so if I don't know what's on the other side of the change (which I almost never do).

Light points out that unless my next job involves being flayed, there's not much chance of it being worse. I, on the other hand, assume that my next job will make me just as miserable as this job, but I'll have to drive for an hour to get to it and get paid less to do it. And when he tells me everything will be fine, I just reply "but what if it's not?" and burst into tears. Ah, fun.

I'm not sure exactly how I acquired this particular belief system, and I realize it's only a fraction of the ways in which I'm skirting the fine line of functional/nonfunctional, but I think I'd like to find a new way of thinking. And, as frosting on all the maladaptive behavior, I assume that everyone else deals with this level of terror, and that they just do better hiding it/coping with it. So, not only am I full of anxiety, I get to beat myself up about it all the time. Blessedly, I can at least find it all a little bit funny.

For my wedding present, Mech's going to come out and take pictures of Northampton for me before we move, which is wicked excited. Light just pulled in the driveway and my cat is eating fuzzy things off the couch. I think I'm going to go try to bask in the good parts for as long as I can.