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omnia_mutanturseeing this in a random stranger-but-for-lj's journal made me tense up a little and weep a little.
"I suffer from depression. I am a strong, intelligent, capable person. I am neither weak nor stupid nor lazy. Depression is an illness that millions of people suffer from and there is nothing wrong with admitting you need help sometimes.
If you've ever felt this way, copy this and paste it into your LJ. Maybe if we start talking about how we survive depression, we'll realize we aren't alone."
performing functionality doesn't mean i'm not hurting. like lyric's knee, or anyone else's chronic injury, physical or mental, you forget how to evaluate pain, because you can't afford to stop and do so.
there's difficulty for me in talking about depression, because we live in such a medicated culture that everything ends up being called depression, and it's assumed that...it's hard to say without sounding like i'm vilifying other people's pain or ennobling my own...
i have a problem. in fact, i have a lot of problems. functionality does not mean that the problems have gone away, only that i have learned how to deal with them and am only recently come to a place where instead of repressing and suppressing and faking all over the place, i can actually try and figure out why i have such limited range of emotional movement.
statements like the italicized above make me feel like i should lay claim to every possible label i've adopted, behavior i've enacted.
and then i get into the same dangerous land of a previous post, because the laundry looks like i was living out a different lifetime movie every six months or so.
i try not to talk about my past. in part because i don't know if i'm telling the truth, so much has slipped through the cracks of bourbon and zoloft and blood. in part because i don't know how to talk about it without sounding like i want pity. and pity has always sounded to me like someone thinks they could have done better in the same situation, and i have enough balls to want to dare the world to try. i'm not proud of how i got through my hell, but i'm proud of the fact that i did.
how do you lay claim to things without sounding like you're playing misery poker? how do you not lay claim without sounding like you're pretending they didn't happen?
i showed a handful of people something i wrote, trying to sort out some of what college was to me. that was a start. i've tried to keep unearthing things, but it's so bloody free of narrative that the thread tangles itself. what could possibly be less plot-driven than a crazy girl's college years?
this isn't supposed to be a stupid meme, just a variation on what lj can be used for. if you have questions, by the gods, ask. it may not be elegant, but i'll try and answer.
"I suffer from depression. I am a strong, intelligent, capable person. I am neither weak nor stupid nor lazy. Depression is an illness that millions of people suffer from and there is nothing wrong with admitting you need help sometimes.
If you've ever felt this way, copy this and paste it into your LJ. Maybe if we start talking about how we survive depression, we'll realize we aren't alone."
performing functionality doesn't mean i'm not hurting. like lyric's knee, or anyone else's chronic injury, physical or mental, you forget how to evaluate pain, because you can't afford to stop and do so.
there's difficulty for me in talking about depression, because we live in such a medicated culture that everything ends up being called depression, and it's assumed that...it's hard to say without sounding like i'm vilifying other people's pain or ennobling my own...
i have a problem. in fact, i have a lot of problems. functionality does not mean that the problems have gone away, only that i have learned how to deal with them and am only recently come to a place where instead of repressing and suppressing and faking all over the place, i can actually try and figure out why i have such limited range of emotional movement.
statements like the italicized above make me feel like i should lay claim to every possible label i've adopted, behavior i've enacted.
and then i get into the same dangerous land of a previous post, because the laundry looks like i was living out a different lifetime movie every six months or so.
i try not to talk about my past. in part because i don't know if i'm telling the truth, so much has slipped through the cracks of bourbon and zoloft and blood. in part because i don't know how to talk about it without sounding like i want pity. and pity has always sounded to me like someone thinks they could have done better in the same situation, and i have enough balls to want to dare the world to try. i'm not proud of how i got through my hell, but i'm proud of the fact that i did.
how do you lay claim to things without sounding like you're playing misery poker? how do you not lay claim without sounding like you're pretending they didn't happen?
i showed a handful of people something i wrote, trying to sort out some of what college was to me. that was a start. i've tried to keep unearthing things, but it's so bloody free of narrative that the thread tangles itself. what could possibly be less plot-driven than a crazy girl's college years?
this isn't supposed to be a stupid meme, just a variation on what lj can be used for. if you have questions, by the gods, ask. it may not be elegant, but i'll try and answer.
