omnia_mutantur | (no subject)

I wonder how many ways of being I have.

I started a post about recognizing I was the other kind of depressed, and then realized I may have more than two. And that also implies a not-depressed me, which there must be, and I know anxious me and depressed me often co-exist, but are definitely different.

I'm the other kind of depressed, I think. I'm not crying every day, I'm not in active despair about something, I'm just kind of numb. 2019's half over, and I know that the passage of time and our inevitable march towards death is always kind of hard to comprehend, but I think I might not have any idea of what I've been doing.

I want to sit down and write out July, have adventures or activities planned for each day I'm with spark, have meals plans for the month, know what I'm doing with conB, actually leave the house and go to a show or a reading or something. (To be fair to past-me, I really was going to go to the author reading that got canceled). I want to go have tea with people, new and old, I still want to cook things even if it's getting on that time when being in the kitchen is miserable. I want to take the dog new places, I want to take the dog to old places. I want to step up my volunteering. I want to give Delight and Goodhugs the opportunity for some out of the house without Spark time, and I want to have some Delight without Spark time too.

Okay, so quick review of things that might be happening that aren't the usual.

tonight - volunteer meeting (sadly, this has to take precedence over going to Turn This World Inside Out w/ Nora Samaran over at Trident.)

7/6 - go to the art opening at the public library

7/10 - boob MRI (yay uncomfortable thing I thought I wouldn't have to do again? should I risk ativan? who knows) (oh, and the surgeon that did my reconstruction is moving, and I should go do an intake with my new surgeon but don't wanna)

7/11-7/14 - ConB

7/15 - epithelial cyst removal (medical jargon for thing on skin) Once again, facial-type surgery makes me feel strange and vain, like I should be able to just ignore whatever it is that's going on, but it's starting to cause discomfort.

7/27 - volunteer at the Flea

Hrm, not much of that sounds like fun. I should probably see to that.