(no subject)
Nov. 30th, 2017 12:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
omnia_mutanturI want to do this more, I want to find some way to hold myself accountable to doing this.
I'm at Delight's house, listening to Elizabeth Mitchell while Starchild dozes in their basket, cross-stitching and feeling sort of weird about the world. Not bad, just lost.
Abundance is doing the startup dance, which I suspect will make him more absent than not in the coming months. And we'll carve out date time, and dog time, and shenanigans time and I suspect I'll be fine.
PAX Unplugged was lovely and when it wasn't actively lovely, it was still fine. I decided it was time to be fine. We were in Philly, near the location I went to college, where all the shit went down, and I had thought I was going to show Abundance the campus, but Becoming told me it was okay not to, and I didn't know how to ask Light for support while he was there with his girlfriend. We paired off, Abundance and me and Light and his yet-to-be-named girlfriend and it feels like doing poly wrong and doing poly right and being left all at once.
I suspect that Abundance's work will leave me wanting more support from other people, but I had this period of going to ground, of not knowing how to make plans with people, of just wanting to go home and play Secret World and sit with the dog, who I still feel like I'm failing. And Light's girlfriend is still ill, still getting a divorce, and Delight has this amazing kid now and has had to go back to work. And sometimes when people ask me how I'm doing, I just tell them about all the things that are eating my partners' lives.
I'm okay, I'm good. I function. I even went back to the gym today and got on a treadmill. I love this child, I love that I get to have this life, I love that I'm working on more volunteering, I love my partners and my pets and sometimes even my house. (dear gods, do I want a new house, with a dishwasher and a basement to store stuff in (and to keep a deep freezer) and a kitchen in a location that doesn't leave me feeling like I've been exiled or sent to my room whenever I'm in it. Oh, and I'd like reasonable heating zones, like the thermostat for the bedroom in the bedroom, so we can keep the door closed.
Baby's stirring, so I'll hit post while I can.
(so, apparently I failed to hit post that first time, am hitting it now)
I'm at Delight's house, listening to Elizabeth Mitchell while Starchild dozes in their basket, cross-stitching and feeling sort of weird about the world. Not bad, just lost.
Abundance is doing the startup dance, which I suspect will make him more absent than not in the coming months. And we'll carve out date time, and dog time, and shenanigans time and I suspect I'll be fine.
PAX Unplugged was lovely and when it wasn't actively lovely, it was still fine. I decided it was time to be fine. We were in Philly, near the location I went to college, where all the shit went down, and I had thought I was going to show Abundance the campus, but Becoming told me it was okay not to, and I didn't know how to ask Light for support while he was there with his girlfriend. We paired off, Abundance and me and Light and his yet-to-be-named girlfriend and it feels like doing poly wrong and doing poly right and being left all at once.
I suspect that Abundance's work will leave me wanting more support from other people, but I had this period of going to ground, of not knowing how to make plans with people, of just wanting to go home and play Secret World and sit with the dog, who I still feel like I'm failing. And Light's girlfriend is still ill, still getting a divorce, and Delight has this amazing kid now and has had to go back to work. And sometimes when people ask me how I'm doing, I just tell them about all the things that are eating my partners' lives.
I'm okay, I'm good. I function. I even went back to the gym today and got on a treadmill. I love this child, I love that I get to have this life, I love that I'm working on more volunteering, I love my partners and my pets and sometimes even my house. (dear gods, do I want a new house, with a dishwasher and a basement to store stuff in (and to keep a deep freezer) and a kitchen in a location that doesn't leave me feeling like I've been exiled or sent to my room whenever I'm in it. Oh, and I'd like reasonable heating zones, like the thermostat for the bedroom in the bedroom, so we can keep the door closed.
Baby's stirring, so I'll hit post while I can.
(so, apparently I failed to hit post that first time, am hitting it now)
