"as for me, i'm doing fine"
Jun. 24th, 2004 01:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
omnia_mutanturso, even now, there's still proof positive i want the ones who don't want me. blessedly, there's also proof in the opposite direction, that sometimes my desire for connection can be both understood and returned. and sometimes the desire for connection turns into actual connection.
i'm disjointed, and exhausted, and the amount of construction taking place (literally overhead) combined with testing the firealarms, combined with a trip to the dentist that still hurts leaves a little to be desire in the coherency and optimism department.
it's really, really hard to stop snuggling with light in the morning.
it's hard to stay vague sometimes, i want to make overarching comments about the state of affairs of my life, but then i need to exclude X and Y, but if i don't mention Z as an exclusion he or she will realize that maybe i am talking about them. a few weeks ago, motion made some tossaway lj comment about being startled i was intimidated. which in turn, startled me. she's projects self-confidence and everyone wants a piece of her, and she's beautiful to boot. what's there not to be intimidated by?
(those thoughts were connected, not just arbitrarily squeezed into the same paragraph. but motion is not what makes vagueness challenging)
does everything i do eventually look passive-aggressive to me, even if its not?
my choices change my world. so, if my options are limited by the choices i make, i must come to terms with that. if my social circles close and close me out, because of things i will not forget or forgo, then i will come to terms with them doing so. most of the time, i find myself too tired to fret, too interested in keeping my house clean and figuring out the ins and outs of this living with someone. (parts of it seem natural and parts of it seem like i've suddenly been transplanted into some alien culture without a gloss)
what to use a touchstone when all the facts are changing?
he made an offer on a condo. we're waiting on an inspection and heating bills. and i can see that i haven't come to terms with everything, that there's something roiling under the surface, but i'm not interested in it right now, so i'm not going to tempt those shrieking eels until my balance in the boat is a little better.
i'm disjointed, and exhausted, and the amount of construction taking place (literally overhead) combined with testing the firealarms, combined with a trip to the dentist that still hurts leaves a little to be desire in the coherency and optimism department.
it's really, really hard to stop snuggling with light in the morning.
it's hard to stay vague sometimes, i want to make overarching comments about the state of affairs of my life, but then i need to exclude X and Y, but if i don't mention Z as an exclusion he or she will realize that maybe i am talking about them. a few weeks ago, motion made some tossaway lj comment about being startled i was intimidated. which in turn, startled me. she's projects self-confidence and everyone wants a piece of her, and she's beautiful to boot. what's there not to be intimidated by?
(those thoughts were connected, not just arbitrarily squeezed into the same paragraph. but motion is not what makes vagueness challenging)
does everything i do eventually look passive-aggressive to me, even if its not?
my choices change my world. so, if my options are limited by the choices i make, i must come to terms with that. if my social circles close and close me out, because of things i will not forget or forgo, then i will come to terms with them doing so. most of the time, i find myself too tired to fret, too interested in keeping my house clean and figuring out the ins and outs of this living with someone. (parts of it seem natural and parts of it seem like i've suddenly been transplanted into some alien culture without a gloss)
what to use a touchstone when all the facts are changing?
he made an offer on a condo. we're waiting on an inspection and heating bills. and i can see that i haven't come to terms with everything, that there's something roiling under the surface, but i'm not interested in it right now, so i'm not going to tempt those shrieking eels until my balance in the boat is a little better.
