![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
omnia_mutanturnot my finest hour.
there's a special kind of exhaustion about trying to get people to see something and failing. i'm honestly not sure why i bother. not because i don't care for the person, just because i know how the story ends, and i'm not sure it's going to change. and i envy her her ability to forgive, and maybe it's just that she doesn't have the same need to defend herself.
but i'm wondering if i'd feel like such a failure if i hadn't spent so much time talking to her about it. 'cause really, not a great feeling.
light's busy at work. perfectly understandable, and sometimes, perfectly okay. but i've been too sleepy to talk for a couple days, and i'm nervy about the upcoming move and currently bizarrely lonely. and i think, once again, i'm all freaky about STBF (and i have no idea what her next nickname will be, just i've only got five more weeks to figure it out).
but i'm hanging out with Vintage tonight, and i'm somebody's sabine, and i bought good things at b&n and in nine days, i'm guessing it won't matter so much that he's too busy to email me, because he'll be coming home to me. and from there, the summer starts gaining momentum, and i'm doing so much good stuff. and history's missing having things to look forward to, and i wish i could give him some of mine. moving, and atlantic's graduation, and seeing pacific and househunting and his tattoo/summer solstice, and meeting junkyard, and seeing lyric and falconridge and all these things that i don't know are going to happen but will. and there's books to be read, and ice cream flavors to try, and enough explosion and disaster-filled summer movies to satisfy even me, so maybe it doesn't matter if right now, everyone but supersecretcrush is too busy to talk, and i should concentrate on how eager and giggly she's making me. and that the coleslaw at the hospital bbq had apples and raisins in it. and that i've got a new book to start.
'cause everything eventually falls into place, it's just some stuff you have to wait longer for than others. sometimes i forget that, but other times i get to remember.
there's a special kind of exhaustion about trying to get people to see something and failing. i'm honestly not sure why i bother. not because i don't care for the person, just because i know how the story ends, and i'm not sure it's going to change. and i envy her her ability to forgive, and maybe it's just that she doesn't have the same need to defend herself.
but i'm wondering if i'd feel like such a failure if i hadn't spent so much time talking to her about it. 'cause really, not a great feeling.
light's busy at work. perfectly understandable, and sometimes, perfectly okay. but i've been too sleepy to talk for a couple days, and i'm nervy about the upcoming move and currently bizarrely lonely. and i think, once again, i'm all freaky about STBF (and i have no idea what her next nickname will be, just i've only got five more weeks to figure it out).
but i'm hanging out with Vintage tonight, and i'm somebody's sabine, and i bought good things at b&n and in nine days, i'm guessing it won't matter so much that he's too busy to email me, because he'll be coming home to me. and from there, the summer starts gaining momentum, and i'm doing so much good stuff. and history's missing having things to look forward to, and i wish i could give him some of mine. moving, and atlantic's graduation, and seeing pacific and househunting and his tattoo/summer solstice, and meeting junkyard, and seeing lyric and falconridge and all these things that i don't know are going to happen but will. and there's books to be read, and ice cream flavors to try, and enough explosion and disaster-filled summer movies to satisfy even me, so maybe it doesn't matter if right now, everyone but supersecretcrush is too busy to talk, and i should concentrate on how eager and giggly she's making me. and that the coleslaw at the hospital bbq had apples and raisins in it. and that i've got a new book to start.
'cause everything eventually falls into place, it's just some stuff you have to wait longer for than others. sometimes i forget that, but other times i get to remember.
