(no subject)

[omnia_mutantur]

Some days, I would really, really like to get over my fear of phones.

I'm not even entirely sure it's a fear exactly, though the idea of calling someone makes me sick to my stomach, so fear seems like a good choice. It's that I assume that I will be calling at a bad time, no matter when I call, which exacerbates my already large social awkwardness and so, in the end, I decide not to call, and hope that whatever social life I'm going to have can be orchestrated either by the internet or my husband.

An email telling me to call might seem like enough encouragement, for a more rational woman. I ponder the idea, contemplate calling, Light offers to call for me which is Even Worse, and then I tell myself maybe I'll call later. Or even later. To this day, I'm still astounded by the idea that social anxiety is a disorder, rather than something more like gravity or oxygen.

Instead, cocoa and Wow and egg drop soup and laundry and Jim Butcher novels and Mirrormask and knitting class homework. Not bad, of course, lovely in every way. Just not brave.

Comments

[shebear.livejournal.com]

I am half-asleep and still under the influence of allergy meds, but I would like to come back to this tomorrow.

For now: It's that I assume that I will be calling at a bad time, no matter when I call....

It's so hard to explain this to people, but this is me, too.

[autumnkitten.livejournal.com]

- just letting you know i'm reading, and i understand what you are going through. I have a friend who is going through something similar. -

[oya-yansa.livejournal.com]

Phones scare the crap out of me. Not so much that I will call at a bad time as that I'm just not a good phone conversationalist.

you are not alone!

[plumerai.livejournal.com]

Oh gawd, I will do anything to not have to make a phone call. (Were you a phone-talker in early adolescence? I was. I have no idea what I possibly could have had to say for hours at a stretch. Maybe I just used up all my lifetime phone hours between 1988 and 1992.)

Text messaging has saved my life.

Re: you are not alone!

[omnia-mutantur.livejournal.com]

I was a talker for a couple years of my adolescence, every single night. Then I developed phone-hatred. Then I was in a long-distance relationship and spent every night on the phone with Light. And now, I can barely convince myself to do things like call for haircut appointments.

I'm writing an email to you, but it gets more awkward with every revision. I may start over afresh, or take a deep breath and send it, awkward and all.

Re: you are not alone!

[plumerai.livejournal.com]

Long-distance relationships are just about the only reason for a phone to exist, or at least phone calls that accept words having naught to do with logistics. My best friend and I lived on opposite coasts for years and she was the only person I'd talk to; she now lives here and is baffled by why I suddenly refuse to have phone chats. I've tried explaining the logarithm but she doesn't get it.

Send it awkward, send it polished, send it however and believe me when I say that I am relaxed on the matter. (I'm awkward too; I get it.)