(no subject)

[omnia_mutantur]

looky-looky!

i'm in a mood.

i'm weepy, i'm needy, i'm achy, i'm whiny and i'm scared of the dentist.

i'm also twenty-eight years old, and i'm sick of experiencing the day-long equivalent of an tempertantrum, with a thin layer of panic attack frosting it. yes, i don't like being a grownup, no one does. yes, work sucks. yes, i miss light to the point where i can barely function. yes, i'm having my period again. (i've spent more of the last month bleeding than i've spent not bleeding) i'm fucking pining for him, and some part of me imagines that most people do this when they're half my age.

and maybe it's understandable, my day sucked from the moment i opened my eyes, and has only been going downhill since then, and i want nothing more than to curl against light's side while he either plays video games, or does whatever strange dork things are associated with the game he may soon be running. and instead, i'll probably go home after the dentist appt, put my laundry in, come back here, work for a while, go home again, go to Spirit of the Heart, come home and play puzzle pirates while i wait for him to call. not much of a bargain, there.

Comments

[lapsedmodernist.livejournal.com]

this is really random but you were in my dream last night. which is odd, because i don't know your name or what you look like. but in the dream you had curly hair and a ring on your middle finger.

i'm scared of the dentist too, due to the many many trips to the dentist i have had to take in my lifetime. my teeth suck.

[omnia-mutantur.livejournal.com]

i don't know why i think it's so amazingly flattering that i showed up in your dream. even if with an appearance different than the one i currently possess, but i do.

[tisana.livejournal.com]

"yes, i don't like being a grownup, no one does"

Well, I actually prefer it, because it means I have a heck of a lot more control over my life than when I was a kid, and I have money now to buy toys when I want them. Remember: growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional. I'm still kinda kid-like, and lots of friends are, too. Nothing wrong with that.

Don't blame you about the dentist. The high-pitched sound of the dentist's drill drives me bugfuck. Waaay too much work done on me, though by now I'm less nervous about it.

You know, I don't think I've mentioned it, or that it's worth mentioning, but I do envy that you have such a connection with Light. I know it means pain when he's not there, but being with him must be such a wonderful feeling. I sort of want that for myself. I think. Jury's still out. Kinda scary, too.

[omnia-mutantur.livejournal.com]

then let me rephrase.

i don't like going and doing things i'm scared of by myself because i have to. i don't like having to do my laundry when all i want to do is curl up in bed and cry.

i have no problem being childlike. but there's so much consequence, and so little room for slippage on so many different fronts, and i have to be okay with the fact that it's a long time until i get to come home to light, and i don't want to just have to keep sucking all the bad shit up.

[jesfine.livejournal.com]

is that an opening for the position of personal minion, i hear?
... 'cause, if it is, i'd like to volunteer for the job.

[omnia-mutantur.livejournal.com]

and no matter how scary, it's more than worth it.

and thank you for reminding me that the hurting has a reason, and is the price tag for something worth a thousand times the pain.

[tisana.livejournal.com]

Oh...uh...I did that? Ok, sure. Uh...yeah! That!
I had no idea what I was saying was for a point, it's hard for me to have them or stick to them, so...glad you found one in there.

And, of course, thank you for vouching for the pain being worth it. I collect love stories, you see. Kinda like romantic scientific proofs for me to hold other evidence up against, because it's such a part of my nature to be a cynic.

[sivvy.livejournal.com]

I prefer it too. For many of the same reasons.

On those days when I don't want to be an adult, I shed the 'shoulds' that are tying me down. So I wear a shirt that is dirty. *shrug*

[cataptromancer.livejournal.com]

Sometime when you feel like it, I'd like to know about this whole puzzle pirates thing. An online game, as far as I can guess? It seems to crop up a lot in your posts.