(no subject)

I feel like I'm ricocheting between being inert and calling it self care and trying to take care of myself and calling it inertia.   Can't win for losing, I guess.

I want to be stress-baking or stress-cleaning or stress-something-ing, but I'm mostly playing steam games (mostly Carrion, but also some Gems of War) and then there's all this time that I really don't know what I did with.   I know I need to get back up on several horses, and I have every intention of doing it any day now. 
 
Also, I kind of want to learn how to snowshoe, and while I inevitably shot myself down, it was interesting to be interested in something.   But maybe someday, like sailing and paddleboarding and riding a bike regularly and recreationally.   I've walked a path around Wrights Pond a couple times, and now I at least know where Medford residents go swim when it isn't the endtimes, and I've walked the path down to spot pond so I at least know where the boating center is.    But, gods, I can't even imagine talking to a stranger at the moment, so we'll see where we are next spring in terms of getting instruction in anything or acquiring equipment that can't be bought online.  

Mostly, I'm sad and already exasperated with myself.