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Another day of too much and absolutely nothing all at once.  And, I'll admit, everything going on around the country is making me feel a little like there's nothing I can say, talking about myself feels trivial and trivializing, and there are other people saying much more thoughtful and important things about Floyd and Minneapolis and police brutality and protests and race and racism.  

but, I skipped yesterday and I suspect it's a slippery slope. 

Today involved four hours of primrose meeting, 10-12 and 1-3.  Definitely need to figure out how to embrace some positive feels.  There's a whole lot of interesting challenges in putting on an online convention safely, and I've been thinking about them, but the day-to-day stuff is an almost impossible hill to climb.
  
Had my oddest telehealth appointment yet yesterday, my plastic surgeon took a look at my boobs.   I gushed at her about how good a job she did for a while, (seriously, her work with my pre-existing tattoos is better than my wildest hopes) and then she cleared me to start wearing underwire bras again, which is exciting, daunting and not something I feel equipped to acquire online.   I mean, I know how to use a tape measure, but it's the shape of the underwires that I 'm going to need be careful around.

Did manage to pull off a couple wild feats of adulting and listened to two weeks of voicemails.   Mind you, almost no one leaves me voicemails other than the cities of Somerville and Medford, but there's some switch inside my mind that refuses to interact with my phone for days on end.    It started in college and has pretty much steadily continued from there.   

But it was also a day that involved epic Skitterypoof snuggles, a lovely concert in lovely company, and getting to watch the dog try to catch a fruit fly.

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Towards the beginning of "all this" Light's company laid off a bunch of employees, including Light.  Light quickly rallied and is already re-employed, but part of all of this mean that our insurance coverage lapsed with the first company before it picked up with the second.   He told me that he was just going to let it go for a month, "unless we had significant bills" and then he'd backdate cobra coverage.

I felt uncomfortable and lightly betrayed by this, and haven't spoken to him about it yet.   And, I think it's my own fault for not actually asking the question and just assuming we'd have cobra coverage, but still...

I'm a relatively well woman. I'm not fit or anything, but I'm not a vulnerable population, I'm not currently undergoing any in-hospital treatment of any kind or anything like that.   But my ridiculous number of maintenance medications, my therapy, my psychiatrist, my APAP machine, the surgery I just had in February, all of these add up to the fact that my medical bills are never going to be insignificant (HRT alone is ridiculously expensive).  And I don't know if he didn't think it through, or didn't know what things cost, or what, but I'm left feeling burdensome and damaged, which I'm sure wasn't his intent, but it's still not my favorite feeling. 

I just got a news update on the Boston protests that told me the police officers are putting on their gas masks, and part of me just wants to stay up and watch, like my witnessing (scab-picking) will do anyone any good.  I'm not brave to be there, what good does making myself sick watching it do?