"in the weight behind your reasons"

 My sleep schedule has gone to shit in the absence of Abundance and any reason to get up in the morning.  I still mostly do get up at 6, I just don't do anything responsible immediately. 

Being stuck in the house is fucking weird.  I realize I could Lyft places, but I'm not even sure where I'd go or what I'd do. Still can't lift much, still a little clear on what counts as overdoing it until I've overdone it and then I just have to sit down and do fuckall for a while.  I'm a little too agitated to read very effectively, though I listened to most of Vox today before I needed to just move.

I'm not yet cleared for actual exercise, which would help with the sleeping thing, but I can at least start going on walks.  I'll feel like the biggest jerk in the world going for a walk without the world's most tragic dog, but she is definitely a) out of my weight class and b) a puller.   I don't know how far I can go, so I guess start small? 

I feel like I should be doing something more impressive with this time than healing, cross stitching and light housework.  As soon as I figure out what it is, I'm sure I'll start.  Or something.  I'll keep up on the healing part, I'm feeling really shaky about not seeing Spark and don't want to do anything to endanger that. But I know it's bad when even online jigsaw puzzles don't keep me occupied.  

Light and I watched an episode of Disney Weddings, mostly because it was hosted by twitch and allison and I have to say, despite some of the feelings of wishing there had been that big magical party surrounded by their nearest and dearest that other people with weddings talk about, (I don't think I actually want to have had the experience, but maybe the memory of it?) I remain deeply, deeply convinced that our awesome elopement was exactly the right thing to do.     Ah fuck, this is going to tie back into the wanting to belong, wanting to be surrounded by groups of people despite only feeling like I know how to relate to individuals.  I really need to polish that post so I can stop thinking about it for a bit.