"and you can't get near it."

No Baba Yaga tonight, 

 

My nails keep breaking, down into the painful pink part of the nail and it feels like a portent.  If it portends anything it's probably only that I'm lacking in some nutrients, don't moisturize my hands enough and do a lot of dishes.  Which isn't exactly portending.

 

I made more than one social overture yesterday, and one of them has already worked. It looks like I'll be left to my own devices this weekend, and Saturday is entirely empty, while Sunday has at least a con meeting and if I'm especially bold, a collage thing at the local library. 

 

Most times when I contemplate baking something I don't want to eat the entirety of I think of a conversation I had a long time ago with Bespoke, about found cake and how I could warn someone I was dropping something off at their house and they'd probably enjoy the baked goods, but I don't know what messages that sends and it seems like such a free and easy suggestion that it can't possibly be that easy.  Not because Bespoke is full of secret agendas, I can't speak to that one way or the other, this is a more overarching wariness of the world.   And the people I'd be most likely to do that for can do so much more than I can in this particular arena.  But, I've still got that muffin recipe that calls for grating one and a half nutmegs and I'm pretty sure that's what I'll do tomorrow night, if I have any oomph left after the massage i finally booked myself.  But maybe I'll try to make something frivolous this weekend and send it in with Light on Monday.
 

(I don't like co-opting the language of spoons.  I worry about the idea of having points because I've always been the kind of person who hoards anything that seems like a limited resource, except for those days when I spend it all because running on empty is a kind of self-flagellation.  So until I find something better, my metric will be oomph.) 

 

Speaking of oomph, I asked the boys yesterday for verbal permission to do fuckall.  Not that I need it from them, but sometimes in order to slow down I need to be reminded the time I spend watching tv, playing merge dragons, noodling around on the internet isn't only laziness.  Of course, after I got that permission I still mopped the kitchen floor and swept the stairs and did a load of laundry but I didn't feel like I had to go get my prescription from the store or do all the laundry.   Or I did,  but I could slow it down enough so I didn't have to castigate myself until I did those things.     Hopefully tomorrow I'll manage a decent balance of errands, therapy, housework and fuckall around the massage.   Oh, and I want to finish EK Johnston's The Afterward before the library takes it back.