![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
"the cactus where your heart should be"
Feb. 6th, 2019 12:28 pmI have begun my 48 clear liquid diet in preparation for a routine medical procedure. I'm trying to branch out from the last time I tried this (which was only for 24 hours last time) but I've discovered I Very Much do not like jello. But i do like the feeling of consuming something not-liquid, so I'll probably choke down some more for dinner. But, distraction is welcome and I'm still pretty coherent. Also, suggestions for tv shows to binge
It's already been a weird week, I ended up playing solitaire (literally) for about five hours. Sure, I was listening to an ebook but that kind of need to escape the passage of time is a pretty good sign that either something's coming, or I'm already in the weeds and just getting around to figuring out why. I think it's something about feeling seen, since that was one of the things that made me burst into tears at couples yesterday.
I've deliberately suspended questions of "what next" as long as I can, but they're starting to slip through the barricades. Maybe we buy a house in medford and I become even more hermitty. Or maybe we buy a house in Medford and there will be a finished basement and a fenced back yard where she can go when she's having trouble containing/handling her feelings so I can still have people over. Maybe we'll buy a house somewhere else, maybe we'll stay here forever.
We got one of those doorknob-hanger flyers from an organization doing pre-construction surveys for our area. Firstly, I'm pretty sure they're already constructing, and secondly they told me we got the privilege of thie survey because we're 100 feet or less from the green line extension. And, I already knew that we were close, but somehow having a number put on it made me a lot more grrrr.
Someone asked me what I thought my skills were, and in consultation with Light and Delight I came up with this list and felt pretty good about being mostly comfortable saying I was good at all these things, which feels like progress:
synthesizing lots of information into understandable formats, gathering and tracking data, learning things, being relatively calm in stressful situations, herding cats. I'm a pretty good meeting runner/interviewer/note taker, good with numbers spreadsheets and budgets, and also read wicked fast, cook well and am good with kids.
I'm not sure I'll be able to say that every day, but I could say it today at least and that's kind of neat and now I'm going to stop before I add any more qualifying language.
It's already been a weird week, I ended up playing solitaire (literally) for about five hours. Sure, I was listening to an ebook but that kind of need to escape the passage of time is a pretty good sign that either something's coming, or I'm already in the weeds and just getting around to figuring out why. I think it's something about feeling seen, since that was one of the things that made me burst into tears at couples yesterday.
I've deliberately suspended questions of "what next" as long as I can, but they're starting to slip through the barricades. Maybe we buy a house in medford and I become even more hermitty. Or maybe we buy a house in Medford and there will be a finished basement and a fenced back yard where she can go when she's having trouble containing/handling her feelings so I can still have people over. Maybe we'll buy a house somewhere else, maybe we'll stay here forever.
We got one of those doorknob-hanger flyers from an organization doing pre-construction surveys for our area. Firstly, I'm pretty sure they're already constructing, and secondly they told me we got the privilege of thie survey because we're 100 feet or less from the green line extension. And, I already knew that we were close, but somehow having a number put on it made me a lot more grrrr.
Someone asked me what I thought my skills were, and in consultation with Light and Delight I came up with this list and felt pretty good about being mostly comfortable saying I was good at all these things, which feels like progress:
synthesizing lots of information into understandable formats, gathering and tracking data, learning things, being relatively calm in stressful situations, herding cats. I'm a pretty good meeting runner/interviewer/note taker, good with numbers spreadsheets and budgets, and also read wicked fast, cook well and am good with kids.
I'm not sure I'll be able to say that every day, but I could say it today at least and that's kind of neat and now I'm going to stop before I add any more qualifying language.
