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Feb. 22nd, 2018 01:44 pmWhen I office-worked, I tried really hard not to drink more than my single cup of morning tea. Now that I'm doing whatever it is I'm doing with Spark, I find myself just wanting to close my eyes at about 3. So, now I'm a two-cup of tea person. And I know that part of this is that I need to get the gym back into my schedule so I can start sleeping a little more reliably, but to get there, I need to get up earlier and I'm having such a hard time getting to bed on time (because I'm not the right kind of tired at the right time.)
Routines, how hard you are to get back into. Right now, I wake up at 6:30, spend half an hour feeding and walkign the animals, then half an hour showering and packing for the day, then half an hour under my grow-light, and then fifteen minutes of whatever before I drive over to Delight's. It's the grow-light that seems to be throwing me off, I think if I pack the night before, roll back the alarm half an hour, I can get to the gym, get on the treadmill, get through the shower and to Delight's at the same time. But that all seems so grim.
I keep thinking something will be different when I get back from Hawaii. I'll find a new rhythm. I'll find something to learn, I'll find some new motivation. I'll be less cranky, I'll lose enough weight that my lower back doesn't twinge anymore. The house will be clean, I'll figure out some way to accustom the dog to visitors, I'll clear off my TBR list, I'll read all those articles I've bookmarked for later.
It's not going to, I'm still going to be here, this, now. And that's enough, I think.
I've fallen down on both of my volunteer things for Life Reasons, and I'm hoping to pick one back up on the other side of Hawaii. I volunteered for something else entirely his weekend, it was a thing and it felt good and healthy and not like I was trying to get people to like me or find me useful. Though I often lose confidence and think the only reason people will like me is if I am of use, I'm also starting to realize that I don't need everyone to like me, that there are other reasons to volunteer that have to do with more internal motivations. That said, I also had a blast working with the people I got to work with.
Routines, how hard you are to get back into. Right now, I wake up at 6:30, spend half an hour feeding and walkign the animals, then half an hour showering and packing for the day, then half an hour under my grow-light, and then fifteen minutes of whatever before I drive over to Delight's. It's the grow-light that seems to be throwing me off, I think if I pack the night before, roll back the alarm half an hour, I can get to the gym, get on the treadmill, get through the shower and to Delight's at the same time. But that all seems so grim.
I keep thinking something will be different when I get back from Hawaii. I'll find a new rhythm. I'll find something to learn, I'll find some new motivation. I'll be less cranky, I'll lose enough weight that my lower back doesn't twinge anymore. The house will be clean, I'll figure out some way to accustom the dog to visitors, I'll clear off my TBR list, I'll read all those articles I've bookmarked for later.
It's not going to, I'm still going to be here, this, now. And that's enough, I think.
I've fallen down on both of my volunteer things for Life Reasons, and I'm hoping to pick one back up on the other side of Hawaii. I volunteered for something else entirely his weekend, it was a thing and it felt good and healthy and not like I was trying to get people to like me or find me useful. Though I often lose confidence and think the only reason people will like me is if I am of use, I'm also starting to realize that I don't need everyone to like me, that there are other reasons to volunteer that have to do with more internal motivations. That said, I also had a blast working with the people I got to work with.
