"i could love every single person in this truckstop"

 Yesterday, after a couple different "you don't know so-and-so" comments at Intention's house, I exclaimed "I'm basically a shut-in".  

I see my partners, the cohabiting and the not, I see Intention and their family, I see Hips and Hands, and everyone else I'm pretty much forgotten how to be friends/be social/return emails in a timely fashion/leave the house  (or at least that is how it feels).  Then shame and exhaustion incline me to continue not taking action and the next thing I know I haven't talked to someone for months, and I'm too scared they think I'm a shitty person to reach out. And I hope that I've wandered through the part of my life where I make friends because I know I can serve some need they have and that will cause them to attach to me (it's a little less mercantile than that) but I'm not sure I've wandered into the next part either.  

 

Maybe I'm turning over a new leaf now that I'm going to be a lady of leisure.  Maybe I have exactly the right amount of social in my life already. Maybe it's time to figure out how volunteer meaningfully without getting into a service relationship with an organization. Maybe what I really want is more people to talk to on the internet. Maybe it's time to learn to be still more often. Maybe it's time to cultivate some truly epic pinterest boards. (maybe it's time to learn to only use one space after a period.)