"Don’t let it all unravel"

 Strange and fussy place today.    I had a wfh day with Delight and Abundance, and it was delightful and I took a little nap, and cuddled a dog, and got a good dose of pinterest-sharing with Delight.  And then I went to couples, and it was hard and I cried a lot, but in no particular direction or about any one thing, and we touched a little bit on my refusal of comfort.  and then I passed the fuck out, and then there wasn't any parking at the movie theater, and then I tried to recommend a book to Abundance, and it wasn't his type of book and I'm just so fucking wrong-footed these days it's a wonder I'm managing not to stab myself in the face every time I use a pen or a pencil.

and my inside voice sings me a song about everything being doomed, and I look around at all these things that should be making me happy, that are making me happy and I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I don't know what to try next. I am happy, I can feel happy, I'm blessed/cursed these days with a reasonable amount of resilience.   But I also feel like things keep slipping through my fingers.

Maybe it's February, maybe it's turning 40, maybe it's something else altogether.  Or maybe it's nothing, and I'm just trying to string tiny pieces of narrative on a string and call them a necklace, when it's nothing actually that coherent.