Offended when I should be relieved

I just got the paperwork from my parents about being their healthcare proxy.    And while I should be relieved, I'm actually offended that I am the third (last) on the list of healthcare proxies.    I don't think I want to be their proxy, I just didn't necessarily need/want proof that I am (among other things) the least favorite child.  And Light says while they're clueless, it's not like it's a secret that of their children, they and I have the most strained relationship.   And I kind of suspect that what will happen is that I'll do whatever the work ends up being anyway.

And maybe some of this is coming from uglier darker places, where I tell myself that some day, I'll at least get some of their stuff and what I need to remember is that that's almost certainly not true, the narrative of the next generation (their grandchildren, real and potential) leaves me on the wayside, a dead end as far as they are concerned.

I continue to be on decent terms with them because that's what people do.  Because I'd miss my little brothers, because I want to be part of Coolidge's life, because even if it's riddled with holes and weak spots, having some history feels like a better choice than having none.