(no subject)

On a note a little less doomandgloomy, Light and I are going to go to the MoS at the crack of dawn on Saturday (9am), and see the mastodons, because we haven't yet and they're going away. We would welcome company, you should totally come with.

"It's cold and I saw a coyote"

So, I've decided tomorrow to bake until I feel better or run out of butter, whichever comes first. I've got the ingredients for raspberry oatmeal scones, gooey cinnamon squares, onion foccacia, s'mores brownies and rice pudding, and I'll find someone to feed them to and listen to lots of loud ani difranco and maybe, if there's time left over, I'll try to make friends with my iron skillet so I can eventually make myself drop biscuits, and then I'll try to figure out what cake I want to bake myself for my birthday.

Someone said something stern-sounding to me on IM, and then vanished, and I try so so so hard to be completely comfortable with the ebb and flow of the internet, but every so often, there's some perfect storm of insecurity and I am filled with this overwhelming urge to apologize without having any idea of what it would be that I'm apologizing for and it takes endless repetitions of telling myself that it's okay if I annoy people, that happens, I'm not unsafe, I don't have to figure out what I did, either someone will tell me or they won't and either one of those is fine.

And then I had an amazing conversation about being BRCA positive with a stranger Curmudgeon introduced me to, and it put me in an amazing mood. There are people out there who will laugh at most of my jokes, and I don't have to worry about sounding crazy and who will compliment me in ways that I'm actually proud of, and sometimes the universe will be neat and I'll get that little bit of affirmation.