(no subject)

I had what felt like a full-blown panic attack about the weather. I'm feeling betrayed, like some covenant I had with the world has been broken, and every day seems to be getting more surreal. It feels like some sort of externalized menopause, where I still don't understand exactly what's happening, but I know that I'm not enjoying it.

We're out to Tarrytown this weekend, and in a couple more weeks, off to Hawaii. I've been avoiding buying a bathing suit or any other supplies I might need. I'm feeling very protective of the tats, and in a body-hating sort of space where looking in mirrors invariably freaks me out. But I'm going to confront it any day now, really I am.

I'm feeling the same way about cover letters, my mind interpreting any sort of self-praise as a fire I'm trying to stck my hand into. But, I gave a coworker a glowing reference and was pretty much told she was getting the job, and it will rapidly become unbearable and I will need to abandon the sinking ship.

There's a February meme, a month of letters, putting something in the mail every day. I feel like I've sent out postcards too recently to follow them up with the ludicrous postcards I bought at the PEM recently. So, I think I'd like to try something else. If you give me an address, I will send a person I do not know a anonymous postcard telling them that someone thinks they are awesome. But I need strangers to do this for, which is where you come in. I've screened comments, give me addresses? or have your friends give me addresses? I'm feeling a little thwarted lately, and want to pump some cheer into the system even if I don't believe in karma.

(no subject)

I had what felt like a full-blown panic attack about the weather. I'm feeling betrayed, like some covenant I had with the world has been broken, and every day seems to be getting more surreal. It feels like some sort of externalized menopause, where I still don't understand exactly what's happening, but I know that I'm not enjoying it.

We're out to Tarrytown this weekend, and in a couple more weeks, off to Hawaii. I've been avoiding buying a bathing suit or any other supplies I might need. I'm feeling very protective of the tats, and in a body-hating sort of space where looking in mirrors invariably freaks me out. But I'm going to confront it any day now, really I am.

I'm feeling the same way about cover letters, my mind interpreting any sort of self-praise as a fire I'm trying to stck my hand into. But, I gave a coworker a glowing reference and was pretty much told she was getting the job, and it will rapidly become unbearable and I will need to abandon the sinking ship.

There's a February meme, a month of letters, putting something in the mail every day. I feel like I've sent out postcards too recently to follow them up with the ludicrous postcards I bought at the PEM recently. So, I think I'd like to try something else. If you give me an address, I will send a person I do not know a anonymous postcard telling them that someone thinks they are awesome. But I need strangers to do this for, which is where you come in. I've screened comments, give me addresses? or have your friends give me addresses? I'm feeling a little thwarted lately, and want to pump some cheer into the system even if I don't believe in karma.