(no subject)

Big week for me on the homefront. I turned thirty six, was social in unexpected ways, attended My First Belly Dancing class, and did a whole lot of laundry. And we went to Marblehead yesterday to see Kris Delmhorst and Jeffrey Foucault co-bill at a UU coffeehouse. (There's a dude who is at all the JF shows who recognizes me as the girl who was cross-stitching fuck off I'm reading bookmarks, which I think is a pretty awesome way to be remembered.)

I also did not respond in a timely fashion to a variety of emails, texts, chats and phone calls. I also, other than the planned outings, did not do much in the way of contacting anyone. (Made more noticable by the fact that Purple and her clan are down with conplague and I normally talk to Purple almost every day).

Back in college, when I was really, really unhappy, I would occasionally dismantle my phone and hide the pieces in various locations around the quad so I wouldn't have to come home and see that the red message light wasn't blinking. At the same time, however, I spent a lot of time on alt.goth, where I could binge on people as I saw fit and edit myself as I saw fit. (if I were to ever admit I was charming, I would make a strong case for being much more charming in text). And I think I do a less extreme version of this these days, though I'm better now even than I was two years ago, when I had a voicemail greeting that basically told callers I probably wasn't ever going to answer the phone.

This isn't an excuse exactly, I just know that I need to find a better way. I start class next week (maybe) and even if it's not for credit, I'm still intending to do the work, and I know that will curtail my free time. And I know that I do want to start volunteering again in some fashion, in addition to whatever con work I might take on.

Four of the five days next week contain an appointment with some sort of medical professional.
Monday, PCP. Tuesday, Therapist. Wednesday, med check. Friday, hopefully the last appt ever with my oncologist. Also, I intend to sit in on two different classes at the extension school so I can pick which one seems less annoying. And I want to make at least a cake on Thursday (Hips brought me awesome presents _and_ awesome cake on thursday). And, and, and.

It's full. I even think most of the time it's an awesome full, (and if I'm lucky, likely to get fuller still with still more interesting people with whom I want to spend more time),but I still sometimes get the feeling I'm still running from something, or trying to leave some unnameable dread behind.

Oh, cold and snow. You always make withdrawing and nesting seem like such tempting prospects.

(no subject)

Big week for me on the homefront. I turned thirty six, was social in unexpected ways, attended My First Belly Dancing class, and did a whole lot of laundry. And we went to Marblehead yesterday to see Kris Delmhorst and Jeffrey Foucault co-bill at a UU coffeehouse. (There's a dude who is at all the JF shows who recognizes me as the girl who was cross-stitching fuck off I'm reading bookmarks, which I think is a pretty awesome way to be remembered.)

I also did not respond in a timely fashion to a variety of emails, texts, chats and phone calls. I also, other than the planned outings, did not do much in the way of contacting anyone. (Made more noticable by the fact that Purple and her clan are down with conplague and I normally talk to Purple almost every day).

Back in college, when I was really, really unhappy, I would occasionally dismantle my phone and hide the pieces in various locations around the quad so I wouldn't have to come home and see that the red message light wasn't blinking. At the same time, however, I spent a lot of time on alt.goth, where I could binge on people as I saw fit and edit myself as I saw fit. (if I were to ever admit I was charming, I would make a strong case for being much more charming in text). And I think I do a less extreme version of this these days, though I'm better now even than I was two years ago, when I had a voicemail greeting that basically told callers I probably wasn't ever going to answer the phone.

This isn't an excuse exactly, I just know that I need to find a better way. I start class next week (maybe) and even if it's not for credit, I'm still intending to do the work, and I know that will curtail my free time. And I know that I do want to start volunteering again in some fashion, in addition to whatever con work I might take on.

Four of the five days next week contain an appointment with some sort of medical professional.
Monday, PCP. Tuesday, Therapist. Wednesday, med check. Friday, hopefully the last appt ever with my oncologist. Also, I intend to sit in on two different classes at the extension school so I can pick which one seems less annoying. And I want to make at least a cake on Thursday (Hips brought me awesome presents _and_ awesome cake on thursday). And, and, and.

It's full. I even think most of the time it's an awesome full, (and if I'm lucky, likely to get fuller still with still more interesting people with whom I want to spend more time),but I still sometimes get the feeling I'm still running from something, or trying to leave some unnameable dread behind.

Oh, cold and snow. You always make withdrawing and nesting seem like such tempting prospects.