" 'cause I'm a wicked good swimmer / watch me dive"

One more drain out, one more drain to go. These surgical drains have become the focus of my life. I have had tubes coming out of holes in my body for three weeks and change at this point. Barring disaster, the last one will be coming out this Thursday, which I'm hoping will mean that I'm less completely paranoid about leaving the house.

Initially, I thought I'd have a lot more body issues about having no boobs. And I'm not saying I won't, I can tell that there are all sorts of dark clouds looming on the horizon, but for the moment, all my concerns and issues are pain-based. I'm aiming for a grim sense of the absurd as my current watchword appearance-wise, and I'm hoping that getting these drains out will make me start to feel less completely exhausted.

I turned to Light yesterday and told him I thought it was time for another religious crisis. He, startlingly enough, said "really?" in a quizzical tone and continued to say that he didn't think my last religious crisis had served me all that well.

I'm beginning to wonder if faith is like a foreign language, and it's easy to learn in childhood and tortuously difficult to learn as an adult. And I'm not speaking of faith in a particular god, I'm certainly not planning on returning to the fold of Episcopalianism, no matter how happy it would make my mother in law. But, instead, I'm back to the idea of community and support circles, and what it is that I need to work on in order to be able to call upon the support that I do have.

And part of it is lj, of course. It's still a medium that serves me, I still want to be able to talk to people in a meaningful way, even if the audience is whittling itself down. Tea&tarot (one person) gave me a tarot reading which included a little bit about getting out of my own way, and it's made me want to figure out if there are other ways to write, other places, if this can be something useful or interesting to other people, rather than just a sort of public therapy for myself.

" 'cause I'm a wicked good swimmer / watch me dive"

One more drain out, one more drain to go. These surgical drains have become the focus of my life. I have had tubes coming out of holes in my body for three weeks and change at this point. Barring disaster, the last one will be coming out this Thursday, which I'm hoping will mean that I'm less completely paranoid about leaving the house.

Initially, I thought I'd have a lot more body issues about having no boobs. And I'm not saying I won't, I can tell that there are all sorts of dark clouds looming on the horizon, but for the moment, all my concerns and issues are pain-based. I'm aiming for a grim sense of the absurd as my current watchword appearance-wise, and I'm hoping that getting these drains out will make me start to feel less completely exhausted.

I turned to Light yesterday and told him I thought it was time for another religious crisis. He, startlingly enough, said "really?" in a quizzical tone and continued to say that he didn't think my last religious crisis had served me all that well.

I'm beginning to wonder if faith is like a foreign language, and it's easy to learn in childhood and tortuously difficult to learn as an adult. And I'm not speaking of faith in a particular god, I'm certainly not planning on returning to the fold of Episcopalianism, no matter how happy it would make my mother in law. But, instead, I'm back to the idea of community and support circles, and what it is that I need to work on in order to be able to call upon the support that I do have.

And part of it is lj, of course. It's still a medium that serves me, I still want to be able to talk to people in a meaningful way, even if the audience is whittling itself down. Tea&tarot (one person) gave me a tarot reading which included a little bit about getting out of my own way, and it's made me want to figure out if there are other ways to write, other places, if this can be something useful or interesting to other people, rather than just a sort of public therapy for myself.