"I own every bell that tolls me"

I have now officially burnt all of my sick time. Which, the back of my mind says, is an awesome reason to postpone doing anything surgical until I build it back up. but, no. not going to do that.

I've learned, when I find a trait annoying in someone else, that it's almost certainty something I don't like about myself. And, I can tell I'm playing a one-note song. Well, maybe it's two or three notes. Yes, I'm having surgery, yes, I've got some unrequited crushing, yes, my job makes me sad.

That's not true, though. Sad isn't what my job makes me. Angry and annoyed and inadequate, yes. Sad, no. I told my therapist last night that I thought sad was the opposite of coping. And it turns out I'm in a place where I'm looking up emotions on wikipedia to try to figure out what my experience of them is by contrast.

However, I am also awesome. And as soon as I'm done breeding the lung demons and this particular patch of non-stop hot flashes stops, I'm getting back on the awesome train. And yes, it's possible my bravado might be showing a little bit, but so are my tattoos.

"I own every bell that tolls me"

I have now officially burnt all of my sick time. Which, the back of my mind says, is an awesome reason to postpone doing anything surgical until I build it back up. but, no. not going to do that.

I've learned, when I find a trait annoying in someone else, that it's almost certainty something I don't like about myself. And, I can tell I'm playing a one-note song. Well, maybe it's two or three notes. Yes, I'm having surgery, yes, I've got some unrequited crushing, yes, my job makes me sad.

That's not true, though. Sad isn't what my job makes me. Angry and annoyed and inadequate, yes. Sad, no. I told my therapist last night that I thought sad was the opposite of coping. And it turns out I'm in a place where I'm looking up emotions on wikipedia to try to figure out what my experience of them is by contrast.

However, I am also awesome. And as soon as I'm done breeding the lung demons and this particular patch of non-stop hot flashes stops, I'm getting back on the awesome train. And yes, it's possible my bravado might be showing a little bit, but so are my tattoos.