moments of nostalgia

Hint to future self: when panicking about an 8am dental appointment, do not stay up until 1:30am the previous night reading old journals.

however, i did realize something, i think.

When people leave my life, gracefully or awkwardly or silently, I always want to have a final conversation where everything gets spelled out. And in the past, I imagine it was probably because I'd want a chance to talk them out of the leaving. Or, possibly, use it at a lesson to take to make people want to keep me in the future. (being good-enough-to-keep has pretty much been the watchword of my insecurity for as long as i remember understanding people didn't like me.)

And, while, maybe i'm fooling myself, now, i think i'd just like to put endcaps on things. and maybe a little bit of a study of what friendship actually means. (though, if the world is kind enough to allow me to duplicate the awesomeness of the way I can talk to Chile and feel like I'm being heard, I certainly won't spit it in its face.)

Oh, nostalgia. While I never, ever, ever, ever want to revisit any of my past (with the exception of maybe going back to a couple hours a couple of times in my late teens/early twenties, armored with the knowledge I got to leave immediately thereafter) I have some sort of faux-nostalgia, where i could have still been friends with people from those times and got to see how they changed and had my changes witnessed.

Oh, stuff. Instead of being melancholy as my novocaine wears off, i think i shall go play a silly computer game.

moments of nostalgia

Hint to future self: when panicking about an 8am dental appointment, do not stay up until 1:30am the previous night reading old journals.

however, i did realize something, i think.

When people leave my life, gracefully or awkwardly or silently, I always want to have a final conversation where everything gets spelled out. And in the past, I imagine it was probably because I'd want a chance to talk them out of the leaving. Or, possibly, use it at a lesson to take to make people want to keep me in the future. (being good-enough-to-keep has pretty much been the watchword of my insecurity for as long as i remember understanding people didn't like me.)

And, while, maybe i'm fooling myself, now, i think i'd just like to put endcaps on things. and maybe a little bit of a study of what friendship actually means. (though, if the world is kind enough to allow me to duplicate the awesomeness of the way I can talk to Chile and feel like I'm being heard, I certainly won't spit it in its face.)

Oh, nostalgia. While I never, ever, ever, ever want to revisit any of my past (with the exception of maybe going back to a couple hours a couple of times in my late teens/early twenties, armored with the knowledge I got to leave immediately thereafter) I have some sort of faux-nostalgia, where i could have still been friends with people from those times and got to see how they changed and had my changes witnessed.

Oh, stuff. Instead of being melancholy as my novocaine wears off, i think i shall go play a silly computer game.