"watch me while i take this curve"

I have a physical tomorrow, and I'm nervous. I always feel awkward at the doctor, as though sickness was weakness of will and anything that lingers is an obvious side effect of either being fat or being an exsmoker, and since those are both my fault, I should know better than to bother to talk about it.

I had the fancy salon color match my skin and tell me which foundation I should use, and now I'm balking at buying it because it's expensive and I finally figured out why I can't be bothered to put any energy in to purchasing and learning makeup, even if intellectually it seems like a good thing to do. In the end, I know it won't make me pretty, so why bother? And when I say that, it's not some sort of girlpower sentiment about natural beauty, or a plea for reassurance, but something else.

( wherein I talk about selfimage, which is possibly glorified whining )

But I'm home now, in my awesome, awesome sweatpants and there's leftover tofurkey in my immediate future, and a mistletoe scented candle burning. I'll find the other side of all of this, I think.

"watch me while i take this curve"

I have a physical tomorrow, and I'm nervous. I always feel awkward at the doctor, as though sickness was weakness of will and anything that lingers is an obvious side effect of either being fat or being an exsmoker, and since those are both my fault, I should know better than to bother to talk about it.

I had the fancy salon color match my skin and tell me which foundation I should use, and now I'm balking at buying it because it's expensive and I finally figured out why I can't be bothered to put any energy in to purchasing and learning makeup, even if intellectually it seems like a good thing to do. In the end, I know it won't make me pretty, so why bother? And when I say that, it's not some sort of girlpower sentiment about natural beauty, or a plea for reassurance, but something else.

( wherein I talk about selfimage, which is possibly glorified whining )

But I'm home now, in my awesome, awesome sweatpants and there's leftover tofurkey in my immediate future, and a mistletoe scented candle burning. I'll find the other side of all of this, I think.