(no subject)

better now, i think.

i've let go of some of my holiday aspirations, though i still hope to make cookies and acquire a tree tomorrow. but the shopping is done, and was only done for bloodrelatives, light, and one other set of people. In no particular order, i've gotten nineteen cards written and addressed, with another handful to go (mileage will vary depending on addresses received), written a couple emails i wanted to write, caught up (sort of) at work, reassembled the downstairs (light painted a couple more walls with his week off), watched Last Starfighter (which still rocks, if in an entirely different way than it did back in the early eighties), agreed with my therapist that we will now meet on an as-needed/if-needed basis, recognized i'm supernervous about being offered a drink at Light's sister's wedding, come to sort-of terms with the fact that least in ten days, it'll all be over, have begun seriously weighing my tattoo options, finished a neat book (#101) that i totally let myself slack on, bought some new girly skirts, been up to my knees in a snowbank, bought us into the river valley market, had an awesome time having Tulip and Algonquin over for dinner (an entire other post may someday be devoted the sensation of connection), and have gotten in touch with how seriously lucky I am to have the rest of my life with Light to look forward to (not that i was ever out of touch with it, but the thought still strikes me like lightning sometimes) and i feel like i'm in a better place. i'm still afraid of half a dozen things about routines changing and getting on airplanes and breaking out in time for the wedding and holidays and my inability to read people and/or my inability to make plans, but it seems a little less like i can't breathe, and if one can be grateful without implying an object to whom the gratitude is directed, then i'm grateful.

(no subject)

better now, i think.

i've let go of some of my holiday aspirations, though i still hope to make cookies and acquire a tree tomorrow. but the shopping is done, and was only done for bloodrelatives, light, and one other set of people. In no particular order, i've gotten nineteen cards written and addressed, with another handful to go (mileage will vary depending on addresses received), written a couple emails i wanted to write, caught up (sort of) at work, reassembled the downstairs (light painted a couple more walls with his week off), watched Last Starfighter (which still rocks, if in an entirely different way than it did back in the early eighties), agreed with my therapist that we will now meet on an as-needed/if-needed basis, recognized i'm supernervous about being offered a drink at Light's sister's wedding, come to sort-of terms with the fact that least in ten days, it'll all be over, have begun seriously weighing my tattoo options, finished a neat book (#101) that i totally let myself slack on, bought some new girly skirts, been up to my knees in a snowbank, bought us into the river valley market, had an awesome time having Tulip and Algonquin over for dinner (an entire other post may someday be devoted the sensation of connection), and have gotten in touch with how seriously lucky I am to have the rest of my life with Light to look forward to (not that i was ever out of touch with it, but the thought still strikes me like lightning sometimes) and i feel like i'm in a better place. i'm still afraid of half a dozen things about routines changing and getting on airplanes and breaking out in time for the wedding and holidays and my inability to read people and/or my inability to make plans, but it seems a little less like i can't breathe, and if one can be grateful without implying an object to whom the gratitude is directed, then i'm grateful.