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omnia_mutantursometimes, i wish i had some sort of religion. to the naked eye, currently i'm either agnostic or i worship at an altar dedicated to some frankenstein's monster of language, human interaction, too much foucault at too malleable an age, and necessity.
but every so often, particularly when it's turning to winter and the anniversaries of at least half the bad things that have ever happened to me come round to say hi, i feel this overwhelming urge for ritual and i have no method of satisfying said urge. there's a chance revisiting old affiliations might quell the longing, but i don't move comfortably in pagan circles anymore, if i ever really did. kitchenwitchery has grown in appeal, i find myself curious about goddesses of home and hearth in a way that i never was back when i was actually studying grecoroman religions as an academic pursuit, but i'm afraid i'd need a little more mentoring to go in that direction than will ever actually be available to me. (sadly, my woodwork doesn't sprout mentors these days and, in fact, never has.)
mostly, i think i just want a little pomp. i've a lot of things i need to let go of, and some go more successfully, more gracefully than others, and i'd like to give myself an opportunity to codify the lot but i don't think i've got the symbolic dictionary to successfully selfcreate said opportunity at the moment. and maybe the lack stems from the fact that my ability to believe in just about anything is somewhat dented, but said damage doesn't seem to have had any impact on my desire for moments of grace. but grace and mercy have long been words i'm drawn to and i'm afraid it's something along the lines the way bugzappers draw june bugs.
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but every so often, particularly when it's turning to winter and the anniversaries of at least half the bad things that have ever happened to me come round to say hi, i feel this overwhelming urge for ritual and i have no method of satisfying said urge. there's a chance revisiting old affiliations might quell the longing, but i don't move comfortably in pagan circles anymore, if i ever really did. kitchenwitchery has grown in appeal, i find myself curious about goddesses of home and hearth in a way that i never was back when i was actually studying grecoroman religions as an academic pursuit, but i'm afraid i'd need a little more mentoring to go in that direction than will ever actually be available to me. (sadly, my woodwork doesn't sprout mentors these days and, in fact, never has.)
mostly, i think i just want a little pomp. i've a lot of things i need to let go of, and some go more successfully, more gracefully than others, and i'd like to give myself an opportunity to codify the lot but i don't think i've got the symbolic dictionary to successfully selfcreate said opportunity at the moment. and maybe the lack stems from the fact that my ability to believe in just about anything is somewhat dented, but said damage doesn't seem to have had any impact on my desire for moments of grace. but grace and mercy have long been words i'm drawn to and i'm afraid it's something along the lines the way bugzappers draw june bugs.
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