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Dec. 11th, 2020 10:51 pmI fell down the stairs yesterday. I thought I'd just end up with maybe a couple bruises, my ankle was a little sore and my butt hurt, but I initially thought I'd be fine. (I was out of breath at the bottom of the stairs and both the dog I'd tripped on and the dog I hadn't tripped on were very concerned about me and attempting to express that by licking and/or sitting on me). Then I noticed I'd bent my glasses and freaked out a little bit. I had just postponed my optometrist appt until early February the day before.
Light told me because of the way they bent, they're probably not going to snap any time soon but they're almost impossible to keep on my face now, so I switched to one of my non-progressive Zenni frames. I'm experiencing brand new ways to look weird to myself in zoom calls now and I'm doing a lot of either extending things away from me to read through my glasses or bringing them up to my nose to peer under my glasses at. I was doing the latter already even with progressives (hence making the optometrist appointment in the first place).
I hate how quickly I fall into old habits of being super angry and upset with myself about things I do by accident. I think it's mostly worst when I injure myself but losing things is a close second. I intellectually understand that I didn't fall down the stairs because I chose to do so, I didn't fall down the stairs because I'm dumb, I fell down the stairs because that's a thing that happens to almost everyone sometimes and I have two helpful dogs who sometimes try to descend the stairs with me and I certainly don't regret having them.
So I'm not gentle with myself about what feels like a failure, and then I'm not gentle with myself about failing to be gentle with myself. I could probably take it down a couple more loops if I really wanted to, but the first two take up enough mental power that I'm not going to invest too much in more iterations.
The dogs grumble at us when they want to go to bed but we haven't. I'm going to take the hint.
Light told me because of the way they bent, they're probably not going to snap any time soon but they're almost impossible to keep on my face now, so I switched to one of my non-progressive Zenni frames. I'm experiencing brand new ways to look weird to myself in zoom calls now and I'm doing a lot of either extending things away from me to read through my glasses or bringing them up to my nose to peer under my glasses at. I was doing the latter already even with progressives (hence making the optometrist appointment in the first place).
I hate how quickly I fall into old habits of being super angry and upset with myself about things I do by accident. I think it's mostly worst when I injure myself but losing things is a close second. I intellectually understand that I didn't fall down the stairs because I chose to do so, I didn't fall down the stairs because I'm dumb, I fell down the stairs because that's a thing that happens to almost everyone sometimes and I have two helpful dogs who sometimes try to descend the stairs with me and I certainly don't regret having them.
So I'm not gentle with myself about what feels like a failure, and then I'm not gentle with myself about failing to be gentle with myself. I could probably take it down a couple more loops if I really wanted to, but the first two take up enough mental power that I'm not going to invest too much in more iterations.
The dogs grumble at us when they want to go to bed but we haven't. I'm going to take the hint.
