![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
May. 21st, 2020 11:54 pmThe dog is fine. but the dog has sprained something and is extra-tragically limping around the house, and Light had to take her to a low-contact vet visit that made me cry just to think about. Due to Nonsense's high anxiety/reactivity she has to wear a muzzle when she goes to the vet, and due to quarantine, it has to be a low-contact visit where Light waits out in the car for the vet to call him to pick her back up. And of course she was too hopped up on panic to even bother limping while at the vet, so they poked her and determined it was probably just soft tissue damage from either her ridiculous bunny-chasing ways or bounding through the underbrush of the fells.
I don't actually know what goes on inside the dog's head, and we'll never know what actually happened to her in her life before us, other than that she ended up first on the street and then in a shelter (when they picked her up off the street, she'd already been spayed, leading them to believe she was either an escapee or dumped). So maybe I'm just projecting all of my abandonment issues onto the dog, but I just wish I could tell her I'll always come back for her.
One of the things I've tried to communicate with Spark is the idea that i might leave, but I'll always come back. I've heard her repeat "grownups always come back" which I know is an oversimplification, but I feel like nuance can be reserved for at least another year.
yesterday, I made excellent chai-spiced cupcakes with brown-butter spiced icing. It was my most successful (or the two times I've tried) butter-browning attempt, the first time I tried I chickened out too quickly and didn't let the butter brown enough. I almost didn't this time, since everything in the house feels like a precious commodity, something standing in between us and the next grocery trip (which will inevitably be the one that infects Abundance and then me and then I'll never get to hang out with Spark again (who me, catastrophize? never.).) and so if I burnt the butter, this whole cascade of awful would happen and I shouldn't push it. Then I remembered it's just butter, it's just baked goods, I need to be able to do this thing in order to learn and I browned the fuck out of that butter. And Delight seemed to like their cupcakes, even (and spark turned into a tiny ganache monster).
(Here omnia types and deletes a paragraph about bras, types and deletes a paragraph about online wiscon and types and deletes a paragraph about weathering rejection/putting herself out there and how she should probably just stop worrying so fucking much about whether or not it's okay to reach out to people or if should just wait until they want to talk to her. omnia then decides to put herself to bed.)
I don't actually know what goes on inside the dog's head, and we'll never know what actually happened to her in her life before us, other than that she ended up first on the street and then in a shelter (when they picked her up off the street, she'd already been spayed, leading them to believe she was either an escapee or dumped). So maybe I'm just projecting all of my abandonment issues onto the dog, but I just wish I could tell her I'll always come back for her.
One of the things I've tried to communicate with Spark is the idea that i might leave, but I'll always come back. I've heard her repeat "grownups always come back" which I know is an oversimplification, but I feel like nuance can be reserved for at least another year.
yesterday, I made excellent chai-spiced cupcakes with brown-butter spiced icing. It was my most successful (or the two times I've tried) butter-browning attempt, the first time I tried I chickened out too quickly and didn't let the butter brown enough. I almost didn't this time, since everything in the house feels like a precious commodity, something standing in between us and the next grocery trip (which will inevitably be the one that infects Abundance and then me and then I'll never get to hang out with Spark again (who me, catastrophize? never.).) and so if I burnt the butter, this whole cascade of awful would happen and I shouldn't push it. Then I remembered it's just butter, it's just baked goods, I need to be able to do this thing in order to learn and I browned the fuck out of that butter. And Delight seemed to like their cupcakes, even (and spark turned into a tiny ganache monster).
(Here omnia types and deletes a paragraph about bras, types and deletes a paragraph about online wiscon and types and deletes a paragraph about weathering rejection/putting herself out there and how she should probably just stop worrying so fucking much about whether or not it's okay to reach out to people or if should just wait until they want to talk to her. omnia then decides to put herself to bed.)
