"meet me at the construction site"

Finishing something that's been lingering in drafts - I suspect this was after editing some primrose-related missive, but also related to Things We Didn't Talk About, (as was the paragraph about morning after pills and a possible miscarriage I decided to delete) but I worry sometimes about how I change people's language.  I round the corners off, I soften direct statements, I try to make opinions sound like opinions instead of facts, I'm maybe a little apologetic, a little submissive, a little placating.  I think it doesn't cost me anything, but maybe it does. 

 

And on the one hand, I've read the books that tell me to try not to use phrases like "I think" or "it could be" but I've also had the grandboss who complained to my boss that I didn't say thank you often enough.  And I know it's gender, and I suspect it's class, and I'd be unsurprised to find that it's shitty parenting.

 

(Fight, flight, freeze or fawn)   I don't think freeze was considered an option when I was in my early-to-mid twenties, but some combination of alcohol, comfort and fear meant I used to fall asleep at History's parties in the cave, I think I thought he was looking out for me, and he probably was and he can't possibly have been the first but memory's an asshole like that, I forget the stuff that makes the story incoherent, despite that being the nature of things, lives don't have a single narrative arc.

 

Today, I had a migraine, skipped out on a primrose meeting.  but I also had a zoom date with two of my nephews and we made chocolate chip cookies in parallel, and Light picked up preordered breakfast from Forge and I watched a Peter Mulvey concert and rewatched Logan Lucky and Light went to pick up migraine pizza from my favorite pizza place that we moved out of range of.   I tried a new thing and got up and showered and got dressed before I came down to do dishes and load up the dishwasher, and I think I'm going to try that a couple more days to see if it has any effect on my sense of time.  

 

Tomorrow I've got a lot of volunteer training, a couple phone calls to make, an online rpg and very strong intentions towards both making Hands' shepherd's pie and putting some cards in the mail and maybe if I'm lucky, Abundance will teach me more about QA and I'll finally feel like picking up a book again.