"bring back some blurry pictures"

 I'm not sure if it's a good or a bad idea, but I've spent most of the morning going through the pile of paperwork I've been ignoring and listening to nothing but the mountain goats.   I've felt energized by at least three songs, and one so far has made me tear up.  

 

The days are blurring together.   Every other day, I wash my hair and braid it to dry.  Every other other day, I put it up in a bun.  It's in shitty shape, I definitely need a haircut and probably a better diet, and I should probably wash it less often, but sometimes it feels like the only rhythm I've got these days.

 

We're entering the phase of the kind of cooking I'm really bad at.  I can do recipes, I have excellent knife skills, I'm efficient and I follow instructions like a champ, I know which things I can add more of to adjust to our tastes (ie, garlic) and which I oughtn't (chipotle, for me).   And I can go back to what we called melanges, which was dumping three or four cans of things together, stirring it up, microwaving and eating it with saltines, but I somehow feel like I'm obligated to not to do that to the boys. 

 

I've been managing to keep up my duolingo streak, but journaling is getting harder, and I'm trying to figure out how to fit into the routine, but unlike dishes and duolingo, there are days when I just don't want to exert the energy to put things into words, days when I'm pretty sure whatever is under the lid best stays there and putting it to words just gives it power.   

 

I went downstairs last night to sleep on the couch, Abundance had some meetings with night owls on the west coast or something.  Apparently, he came downstairs to come get me to go to bed, and I very much believed I had done so.   So, when I woke up at 2 in the morning, I thought I was upstairs, but I was still on the couch.    I have no idea if I pingponged back and forth between the two or what.  
 

Tomorrow, time to do some Primrose work and write about all the zoom calls everyone else seems to be having.  And maybe why the slantwise savagery of that line in Up The Wolves gets me every time.  Oh, and maybe try to make a cake.