(no subject)

I'm continuing my streak of trying to interact with Lex (the app self-described as a"lo-fi, textbased app for lesbian, bisexual, asexual & queer people. for womxn & trans, genderqueer, intersex, two spirit & non-binary, for meeting lovers and friends") daily, for like seven different reasons, though I can only come up with four at the moment.
 

One, to practice talking to people and to sometimes even practice flirting.
Two, to practice saying relatively confident and not self-effacing things about myself. 
Three, to practice being open-hearted, to freely put energy and words out into the world.  Somehow, it's much easier to deal with silence on the other end of the line in this format than it is in others.
Four, for these strangely impactful moments when someone responds to something I've said with "you darling" and I feel a little bit lit up inside.  

Delight recently objected to something i said about murdering my inner praise junkie, on both the axis of self-murder and the idea of being addicted to praise, but this doesn't feel like it's feeding that.  Like, I think I'm pleased to have evoked that reaction from someone not just because I like having nice things said to me, but because I do actually enjoy delighting people.

Today I had two meetings, made a huge pot of homemade tomato sauce, which I then used some of to make what feels like a gigantic vat of lasagna.  I bought way too much food to cook this week, not entirely remembering to adjust plans when Abundance had to be out of town, and in apart just feeling fragile and wanting to produce things with my hands.  I also managed to get my unsorted inbox back down to under 150 (most of which I don't need to reply to, but some of which I need to be able to put my hands on easily in the future.

I ran across someone doing self-taught bobbin lace at Primrose this year and was immediately deeply intrigued by the concept and added it to the things I want to learn to do.    I just need to find the right frame of mind to watch instructional youtube videos, they're just informational enough that I need to not be doing anything else, but not quite compelling enough that I remember not to try to do anything else.  (I have the same problem with audio books, it's harder to keep my mind from darting away to think of something else if it's not a fast-paced enough narrative, and this makes it almost impossible to listen to nonfiction.    But I think first maybe I want to learn how to handsew sequins.
 

Tomorrow and my parents come sooner than I entirely want, so to bed I go.  I looked for an appropriate quote to title this with, something about sewing or thread and failed to find the song I was thinking of but discovered instead a recording of Johnny Cash reciting Ballad of the Harp Weaver which is exactly the kind of triumph and treasure I want to close down the day with.