"so maybe i’ll move to a new town"

 Another short entry.

it's one of those fucking nights.  Abundance is at a meetup, Light is at the gym, I'm home trying to track down  whatever object in our house is beeping faintly once every fifteen minutes.  All is not well in the state of me, and I know I can just keep faking it for a while longer, but it's really annoying to do so.  I also   know I'm in the deep dark valley of a medication cross--taper, and maybe this isn't the best time to be trying to do anything, much less prepare for surgery, or talk to people, or trying to figure out what to do next.   But not doing any of those things is also challenging. 

 

Tomorrow, I have dropping Spark off and picking her up from daycare.  I have a med check, where we're going to say "why yes, we need to wait more before we can determine if you're responding adequately to the new regime".   I need to buy food and cat litter and have a primrose-related call, in part to prepare for one of the two primrose-related calls on Saturday.  

 

I feel like I'm just whining now in therapy, not actually making any progress, unearthing anything or unpacking anything, but I told her this week that even though I know that not all antipsychotics have numbing effects but I really, really wouldn't mind some numbing right about now.  

 

I know the things that I enjoy, I know that I should be doing them, I should be going back to the gym and cooking and reading.  I mostly just want to sit on the couch and stew in self-pity.   (I also want to sell our condo and go on a wild shopping spree in which buy things like floor lamps and a semifancy new blender.)