"to pin up the night and go home"
Jan. 23rd, 2020 09:24 pm I don't think I was a morning person in college. I mean, I don't think I was an anytime person in college, but the fights I fought with sleep were epic and far-ranging. not sure if it was sleepwalking or just straight up blackout drunkenness, but I'd sometimes wake up places I didn't remember ever going. I have this absolutely destroyed seafoam green blanket I stole from the costume shop, embroidered with the name of my college and some year in the seventies (from when my college had a laundry service, I think) and it is stained and riddled with burn holes from all the cigarettes I fell asleep smoking but at some point it became a fucking talisman and I hauled it around at night like the binkie (or whatever you call it) I hadn't had as a kid.
weird story: instead of having a blanket or a stuffed animal, I had a fixation on fur that was eminently transferrable. And to this day, fur not on a beastie makes me want to suck my thumb. (I never do, my front teeth are far too fragile for that, now I just grind my thumb between my molars when I need a little grounding. And I bring the squishable I call Mr Kitty with most of the places I'm going to spend the night (hotels and hospitals, that is).
The way the college library was structured, there were these little extensions to some of the corridors, singleton semi-cushy chairs that could be turned around to face into the library rather than the standard orientation out of it. I was going to say I don't know why they felt safe, but I do know. My college library kept me real. Prior to Porter Square Books, it would have been my resurrection point. In the summer, I would spend hours shelf-reading, making sure all the books were in the appropriate order, or later, scanning each barcode and then comparing a printout to what was supposed to be there (it was the late nineties, this was high tech back then). If that wasn't casting or calling a circle, I don't know what would have been.
Fuck, I want to be able to see all my books again. Someday, omnia, someday.
Tomorrow night: sleep study. whee. Maybe it'll provide good info. Start the day with a doctor, end the day with a doctor?