(no subject)

 I'm at a convention, wearing a lot of glitter and my introflirt shirt (and all other appropriate pieces of clothing) and I'm still fucking maudlin.  I suspect it has something to with my birthday, and missing Light and Delight and Spark and all the various beasties.   It's almost certainly about Primrose and feeling like I'm still somehow failing to be a person in the world, all these imprecise and inexact longings to belong that I don't know what to do about and can't seem to shed.     

I know I'm supposed to force this, to pretend comfort until I feel it, to be less prickly, to be better at, well. almost everything.  But sometimes I feel more like I want someone else to do the coaxing-the-feral-cat shepherding of me, rather than being left to my own inept devices.

And I know some of this is just I have really, really shitty timing on changing medications, but it's not like there's every a good time.  I'm in that stupid fucking cross-tapering window where medication A is all the way out of my system and now I have to wait another month for medication B to build all the way up to fully therapeutic doses.

Also, I'm sure it has nothing to do with the fact that I just got a brca2 solidarity fistbump.