(no subject)

 I feel so numb these days.  Which I realize happens all the time, but it's hard to do anything about everything feeling like I'm running through waist deep water when everything feels like I'm running through waist deep water.

I think I'm pretty comfortable saying I don't want to try to find a new job until after the next round of surgery, though that might be more meaningful if I had actually already scheduled the surgery.   I definitely don't want more surgery (for those of you counting, ie me, this will be number six boob surgery) but now that I know that I have to have it, I don't think I'm going to be tempted to try to figure out how to take these boobs on a pre-retirement lap, so I might as well just get the surgery over and done with. (it's not that simple, of course.  but I've already started to call them stunt boobs again, which is a pretty clear sign that all the steps I took towards reintegrating them into my selfimage are quickly erasing themselves.  The pain is just a capsular contracture, it rarely spikes past annoying, but it's not the kind of issue that resolves itself, the best I can hope for is that it stays annoying pain.     I think I still don't regret not having gone the autologous route, but maybe I'll think those thoughts after the next surgery, after I see how much of the current tattoos gets ruined.
 

But today I got to go on Spark's field trip as a chaperone, I finished the piece of stitchery I started at the gather here class, I hung out with Delight, I got a fuckton of email sorted and I figured out most of my thanksgiving plans. (though I'm still a little flustered about dessert)   but now, instead of this uncomfortable cramped-by-the dog sleeping on the couch, I think I'll go to bed.