(no subject)

 I'm calling it.  I'm done with poly speed dating.   

 

It wasn't a bad time. I learned a thing or two about myself, of the four people I said yes to, two said yes back to me, and one of them I might even summon the bravery to write them back, even though they seem way out of my league. 

 

I also "cruised" three people, which is just when you find someone interesting and write down their ID and they get your email.  Two of them wrote me back, though one was so friendly that I feel like they must think I'm someone else.  

 

I said I was looking for someone to drink tea with and talk about books and have makeouts (and whatever intangible thing that is something like chemistry).  Which I think is probably exactly my speed at the moment.  And I managed to say that I feel like people can make meaningful connections without the ability to often be in the same place at the same time.   Coming from a person who used to feel like she had to talk to people on a near-daily basis, this feels like a whole lot of progress. 

 

Days when Abundance is traveling and Light goes off to hang out with Boisterous leave me in a not-at-all-surprising melancholic place. Maybe I could have tried to be out this evening, seen someone, gone and done something, but I didn't, I stayed home and did more of the packing thing (and some of the baking thing, and began the project of stripping off all the warning labels from prescription bottles I stuck on my wall of despair over the past decade).

 

Delight's off to New York with Spark, so I'm also at loose ends tomorrow during the day.  I'm almost tempted to take myself to a movie, but I'll probably just drive some awkward-to-pack things over to New House (I want to be a person who names their domicile almost as much as I don't want to be a person who names their domicile) and go to city hall to get pink bags and the dpw to drop off small appliances.  Light has game in the evening, which seems like a perfect occasion to go to the meditation thing Bespoke has invited me to multiple times, and it's totally time to admit that I'm never going to either figure out or admit to myself what the barrier to going is so that's not a legit reason not to do something.  But, I'll probably stick around the house because I haven't seen Hands or Hips in what feels like three months and I really just want to feel whatever it is, seen or known or loved or something or all of the somethings, that I feel when I see them.  And it never stops being hilarious and life-affirming to watch Nonsense lose her shit and do her squeaky bark when her two other favorite people come over.