A better kind of fire

 This morning I stood in our not-especially airconditoned bathroom and thought about the politics of body hair for a lot longer than I think the question merited.  I try to generally go with whatever feels most comfortable, but then I wonder if my comfort is patriarchy informed and that I just want to shave because I'm wearing short skirts and dresses or if I actually feel cooler when I've shaved my legs.

 

Also, I discovered that standing in front of a room and trying to convince people to vote for me is pretty much a nightmare. I think it might have just been that many people looking at me at once.  I'm not sure how many people noticed I was rocking a vibrato pretty hard but it was kind of awful.  But I've gotten myself deeper into conA for at least two more months.  (I'll stand for re-election, but I'm not assuming I'll win)  I had to have seven different conversations with myself about my reasons, about potential fallout, about why I was doing this and if I was lying to myself.  Sure, I'll be a lot less interested in the position if the makeup of the board or the makeup of the community changes significantly but that would be true of anything I do.  

 

Went out to post-meeting dinner at a place called Hops and Scotch.  Sometimes I say I'm comfortable in bars because I don't know how any particular day will hit me and sometimes I'm wrong.  I did my best to smile and nod, and I think I only visibly recoiled once, but it was a bit much.  But I was coming off the adrenalin of panic, I was worried about Abundance (he's off to NC to deal with a medical emergency his mother's having),  

 

This is probably going to sound coy or cryptic, but I just really don't know how to talk about it.  I know what the right thing to do is and I'm going to and I've determined that my impulses don't spring solely from wanting to do the wrong thing  (though there is something about the situation that just makes me feel mischievous). And it's not even really a matter of doing.  It's mostly a matter of not-saying, which is much less fun than saying.  So maybe I need to find a nice safe way to let off some steam?