(no subject)

 I don't know why I can't bring any of my draft entries to actual fruition.  I spent a while at it early this evening, after we got back from the conB potluck.  (which was startlingly lovely)  I failed to make anything, but got to go to a whole foods and pick up both a giant bowl of fruit and some chips that I wanted to try without having to give myself the opportunity to eat the whole bag.  That said,  Jackson's Honest Apple Cider Vinegar Potato Chips are amazing and I will totally buy them again.  

 

But, there's things I don't want to say because I feel like they involve other people too much and I determined a while ago that I didn't want things to be news to my partners when they read my livejournal.  I mean, there will always be things that are news, they don't pre-vet my entries, but for the most part, they already know how I'm feeling about things. 

 

I tried to write an entry about losing my keys (which have since been found in a totally bizarre place and I blame the cats), and Kat Kinsman's book Hi Anxiety how losing something can quickly escalate into not deserving to have anything nice ever and then into not deserving love.  It took me longer to descend into that particular pit this time around, but I found myself actively sad about losing a keychain I've had for almost two decades (I think), a chainmail wrapped marble I got at King Dick's back in the day when my roommate had looped me in to the ren faire world.  

 

I tried to write an entry about the book about ritual and resistance, but in addition to the thing I briefly touched on yesterday, I also want to unpack four other quotes I dogeared because they stunned me.  

 

Someone posted something about what would you tell your 2014 self, and though I had already forgotten and remembered this around Light's family reunion, my mind in some misplaced sense of mercy refuses to retain what this is the five year anniversary of.   So I accidentally read some of my lj from the time, where I obliquely reference being in a Bad Way. After crashing from that a little, and wondering why I don't use more of my icons (I still kind of want a tattoo of something from Buttercup Festival) I came up with an answer. 

 

Dear 2014 me. 1) Brace yourself, it's going to get rough.  2) it's broken, you know it's broken, just go to the ER.  3) I promise you won't always feel like this. 

 

Tomorrow I need to do some conA work, go to the eyedoctor, hang out with Spark and maybe a spot of grocery shopping while Light, Abundance, Boisterous and Prof play their game.  I didn't do much of anything that I consider adulting this weekend, but that means that there's less food in the fridge than I'd like and the cats are less furminated than I would like.   

 

And once again, I'll tell myself it doesn't have to be deathless prose, omnia with an apt song lyric title.  It doesn't have to be a hook baited to catch attention.  You just have to hit post.