(no subject)

 There'a a lot of lookhuman shirts I want.  There always are, even though I don't need a single new tank top.  "Neverending social anxiety is my cardio"  is high on the list.  As is "reading is witchcraft" and  "I am small and sensitive but also fight me".

 

I wonder sometimes how much of my introversion is natural and inherent, and how much I'm just leaning into a dynamic that I learned was the best way to handle being depressed and awkward and having failed to gain a lot of the relevant social skills at an early age.   And then there's the drinking thing, but that's a meditation for another night.

 

Despite returning to fandom in part because I really liked a couple people involved in it, I think I could only go back to the organization comfortable-ish in my own life.  Sure, I'm lonely, but I'm also not the particular kind of desperate for a social group that I was the first time around that ended poorly for me and with Abundance telling me that I wasn't to get into any more service relationships with conventions.  Which doesn't mean I don't still struggle with trying to remember what the fine line between self-possessed and prickly is,

 

I think I might have had a three day migraine that I thought was a combination of nerves and allergies.  At least, I finally took meds when I got home from a very weepy therapy and slept for two hours and everything was so much better when I woke up.  

 

And someone just alerted me to shitpostsampler.