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May. 15th, 2019 07:40 amToday I went and got my hair cut. I looooove my new hairdresser. So much so that she goes in for a hug and I hug her back. And we talked about the Met Gala (and who had understood the brief and who hadn't) and tattoos and pets. And then I went home and felt too cute to finish doing all the cooking cleaning, which I'm sure is all sorts of problematic if I care to unpack it, but it was also kind of fun to just feel pretty.
And then I finished unpacking the groceries and made the mac'n'cheese and the breakfast couscous (masfouf, according to Moosewood) and watched some Brooklyn 99 and then Light and I started to rewatch Better Off Ted for the gazillionth time.
This morning there was no milk in the house and I tried using ice cream in my tea. Unfortunately, this was a particularly stabilizer-filled ice cream and my tea ended up developing an odd thin layer of something almost jelly-like.
There are people coming to my house this weekend, and in addition to remembering to ply the dog with all her CBD treats and hopefully Abundance taking her on a hell of a run in the AM, I want to clean all the things. Or most of the things. But the desire to have them be cleaned doesn't seem to get me mopiping the floors. And I want to cook, but munchy things aren't really my speciality. But maybe I can find some cookies to bake,. Everyone likes cookies, right?
Starbound and Merge Dragons are making me dumber, and I keep opting for them instead of reading or doing anything else productive. I talk to my therapist fairly regularly about my internalized bully and I remain convinced that I'd get nothing done without the voice in the back of my head that tells me how awful I am. The scenario I use is that I'm sometimes tempted to stay in bed and play stupid tablet games until I don't want to play them anymore, and I'm semi-convinced that will never happen, I'd just go on in a fugue state, relieved to not be thinking about the world, my place in it, the state of the house, if I'm a decent role model to Spark, if I practice more self-castigation or self-abnegation or if the latter is just the external manifestation of the former. The balance of the days I cry to the days I don't cry is off and I think my meds need changing but maybe instead I'll go get something pierced.
And then I finished unpacking the groceries and made the mac'n'cheese and the breakfast couscous (masfouf, according to Moosewood) and watched some Brooklyn 99 and then Light and I started to rewatch Better Off Ted for the gazillionth time.
This morning there was no milk in the house and I tried using ice cream in my tea. Unfortunately, this was a particularly stabilizer-filled ice cream and my tea ended up developing an odd thin layer of something almost jelly-like.
There are people coming to my house this weekend, and in addition to remembering to ply the dog with all her CBD treats and hopefully Abundance taking her on a hell of a run in the AM, I want to clean all the things. Or most of the things. But the desire to have them be cleaned doesn't seem to get me mopiping the floors. And I want to cook, but munchy things aren't really my speciality. But maybe I can find some cookies to bake,. Everyone likes cookies, right?
Starbound and Merge Dragons are making me dumber, and I keep opting for them instead of reading or doing anything else productive. I talk to my therapist fairly regularly about my internalized bully and I remain convinced that I'd get nothing done without the voice in the back of my head that tells me how awful I am. The scenario I use is that I'm sometimes tempted to stay in bed and play stupid tablet games until I don't want to play them anymore, and I'm semi-convinced that will never happen, I'd just go on in a fugue state, relieved to not be thinking about the world, my place in it, the state of the house, if I'm a decent role model to Spark, if I practice more self-castigation or self-abnegation or if the latter is just the external manifestation of the former. The balance of the days I cry to the days I don't cry is off and I think my meds need changing but maybe instead I'll go get something pierced.
