the front of something

Important questions first: what is this blank, untitled post you keep offering to restore from, Dreamwidth?

So, it's not exactly that I'm failing at con, I'm not surprised by any of the feels I'm feeling, I'm not unable to do the job I agreed to do.  I'm wearing lot more glitter and a lot more of my silly clothes than I normally do.  I've found a part of this that I'm passionate about and will want to work on post con and  Light and I did the math and realized that we re-met again after 7 years of not seeing each other 16 years ago in this lobby and I still remember seeing him before he saw me and thinking "oh fuck, I'm going to fall in love with him and that's a really bad idea".  

 

But I'm a lot more comfortable in my room than I am in the halls, I still have that ghost of a feeling of missing something.  I'm not as sad as I've been in the past at these large social things, and I think I can probably find some sort fulfillment here, and if I work at it, some sort of peace with who I am now.  Which won't mean that I don't still get maudlin about group dynamics and belonging when I'm tired and surrounded by what feels like (but isn't) an entire horde of people who all know and like each other, but hopefully it means I remember to drink enough water and I don't force myself to pretend to know how to be comfortable in places where I'm not.  

 

Also, I've reached the saturation point where washing my face doens't so much remove gitter as evenly redistribute it.