(no subject)

There's something about hot weather that makes me extra-aware of my size.  (that something might be sweat).  I feel myself  balloon, every bus seat another recrimination about the width of my hips, every pair of bike shorts under a skirt a pointed comment about my thighs, every electrical bill a sign of my weakness (because running acs is weak, and if I wasn't fat, I wouldn't be uncomfortable, and I could just sit in my 80 degree house and be fine with it.) 

I don't even dream of making friends with my body, though I'm still trying to negotiate some sort of truce.  Why are my rules for myself os much different than my rules for everyone else?  For that matter, why do I think of them as inflexible rules for me and preach kindness and self-compassion for everyone else?