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"let them break their hold over me"
Mar. 19th, 2017 05:18 pm Once again, stoned on my migraine meds. Full of the best intentions, Abundance and I ran a bunch of errands, and then he went off to an Ostara ritual, Light went off to his date and realizing my complete lack of desire to take my sunglasses off was in fact because I was having a migraine.
I'm still really bad at as-needed medication, I always imagine that I'm just being dramatic, that there's something much worse around the corner and this is just a headache, just a little bit of distress, and I shouldn''t get used to the relief because if I avail myself too often, it'll stop working or I'll need it all the time or something.
I think I'm quitting my job after we get back from vacation. I'm never going to look back at my life and think "I really wish I'd spent more time at the Beast." I may not be able to figure out what I want to do, I may cringe a little inside every time I can't keep myself from crying, I may fear that I'll never get another job because I give horrible interview, I may not even be able to talk about it here, it feels like too much privilege, too much dependence, too much weakness. But I think I'm going to try this, get a wrist tattoo, get a dog, see if going to the gym regularly has any effect on my mood or my sleep habits. For a little while, at least.
And just typing this makes me cry, again, but I also can't feel my cheeks (that's the imitrex), I dropped off Niecelet's cross-stitch (the pirate ship) to be professionally framed and it feels like so good to have finished, I finally bought more hangers (a relatively simple thing I've been coveting for a while now) and a room of my own.
But now I've lost part of my charger, and so may just not get to have nice things ever again, or at least use my computer for the forseeable future. blargh.
I'm still really bad at as-needed medication, I always imagine that I'm just being dramatic, that there's something much worse around the corner and this is just a headache, just a little bit of distress, and I shouldn''t get used to the relief because if I avail myself too often, it'll stop working or I'll need it all the time or something.
I think I'm quitting my job after we get back from vacation. I'm never going to look back at my life and think "I really wish I'd spent more time at the Beast." I may not be able to figure out what I want to do, I may cringe a little inside every time I can't keep myself from crying, I may fear that I'll never get another job because I give horrible interview, I may not even be able to talk about it here, it feels like too much privilege, too much dependence, too much weakness. But I think I'm going to try this, get a wrist tattoo, get a dog, see if going to the gym regularly has any effect on my mood or my sleep habits. For a little while, at least.
And just typing this makes me cry, again, but I also can't feel my cheeks (that's the imitrex), I dropped off Niecelet's cross-stitch (the pirate ship) to be professionally framed and it feels like so good to have finished, I finally bought more hangers (a relatively simple thing I've been coveting for a while now) and a room of my own.
But now I've lost part of my charger, and so may just not get to have nice things ever again, or at least use my computer for the forseeable future. blargh.
