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Nov. 7th, 2014 09:47 pmWell, I guess I can at least acknowledge that I'm too depressed to write much today, that kind of counts as posting.
I thought I was in a better place. And maybe I was, maybe a better place isn't a destination, it's just a point on some very up-and-down line.
But a combination of a friend's devastation, facing my family tomorrow and trying to explain why I've been completely absent for months, having to get blood redrawn today and asking for something that Abundance wouldn't give did me in. Fortunately, I was spending the day with Delight and had evening plans with Amazing, and my weekend is full of get-up-breathe-keep-breathing plans.
I wish I could find some way through, I wish I knew how to do this. I wish I could feel less beaten down by forces beyond my control, but it feels like the only control i have is walking away, and despite all this desperate heartache, I can't seem to find a way to want that yet.
I thought I was in a better place. And maybe I was, maybe a better place isn't a destination, it's just a point on some very up-and-down line.
But a combination of a friend's devastation, facing my family tomorrow and trying to explain why I've been completely absent for months, having to get blood redrawn today and asking for something that Abundance wouldn't give did me in. Fortunately, I was spending the day with Delight and had evening plans with Amazing, and my weekend is full of get-up-breathe-keep-breathing plans.
I wish I could find some way through, I wish I knew how to do this. I wish I could feel less beaten down by forces beyond my control, but it feels like the only control i have is walking away, and despite all this desperate heartache, I can't seem to find a way to want that yet.
