"every bell that tolls me"

Day six.

Almost better, better enough at least to intend to go to work tomorrow, better enough to mostly function unmedicated, to be able to laugh without immediately sounding like a car engine failing to turn over.    My nose is chapped, the corner of my mouth is cracked and I'm pretty sure will never heal, and my ear makes this funny whistling sort of noise when I blow my nose.

I'm in the midst of a lot of feelings.  (as per usual).   I really like having Abundance here, and it seems foolish not to wallow in the comfort, even if I know it's going away.  But I'm not very good at living in the moment, and so am trying to manage future loss (where loss is return to status qup (how fucked up of me is that?)) by pretending I'm not feeling good about the present?   Therapist tells me that even when we know we'll be sad a vacation has ended, we still take the vacation.  

(Abundance says "my girlfriend is weird" and it still makes me all weak-kneed) 

Light has one, possibly two, date-like thing(s) this week and I'm unsure of my feelings, but am concentrating on the part where I want him to have the best possible life and this is one of the ways he might have it. 

Also, I just realized, much like I do every time I get really sick, I've forgotten to take any of the meds that regulate my moods since Friday morning, so maybe I should just concentrate on the part where I get to go to bed with Abundance and think any deep thoughts that require thinking some other time.

And yes, I've totally used this Neko Case lyric as a title at least twice before.