(no subject)

That was definitely a thing.

I went to the hospital, a lovely woman told me I couldn't take my sleeping meds, spent an hour attaching wires to me with goop and tape (including some in my hair. I'm seriously not okay with things being in my hair) and then told me to sleep.

I actually fell asleep much more easily than expected, Mark Ruhlman's Ratio is interesting but not engaging, and the bleed-off of my party anxiety was pretty intensely crashy. But I dozed in and out of consciousness from 10-6, complete with fucked up dreams, fidgety periods, disorientation and all the other joys bad sleep can bring.

which of course led to a migraine. so I bailed on an important work meeting and have sat, lumplike, in my bed, whacked out on lack of sleep and migraine meds, cuddling with cats and dog and dozing. I have accomplished pretty much nothing but watching an episode of Nashville today, and I really wasn't entirely present for most of that.

I have some thoughts to think about charming awkward versus awkward awkward, and where to put my hands, and medical things and medications and when I feel like I'm using old trauma as currency in inappropriate ways and the ways I measure myself. But there's a show tonight and a bus to catch.

I feel less interesting now that I'm doing this daily, but more grounded. It's probably time to examine that too.

(no subject)

That was definitely a thing.

I went to the hospital, a lovely woman told me I couldn't take my sleeping meds, spent an hour attaching wires to me with goop and tape (including some in my hair. I'm seriously not okay with things being in my hair) and then told me to sleep.

I actually fell asleep much more easily than expected, Mark Ruhlman's Ratio is interesting but not engaging, and the bleed-off of my party anxiety was pretty intensely crashy. But I dozed in and out of consciousness from 10-6, complete with fucked up dreams, fidgety periods, disorientation and all the other joys bad sleep can bring.

which of course led to a migraine. so I bailed on an important work meeting and have sat, lumplike, in my bed, whacked out on lack of sleep and migraine meds, cuddling with cats and dog and dozing. I have accomplished pretty much nothing but watching an episode of Nashville today, and I really wasn't entirely present for most of that.

I have some thoughts to think about charming awkward versus awkward awkward, and where to put my hands, and medical things and medications and when I feel like I'm using old trauma as currency in inappropriate ways and the ways I measure myself. But there's a show tonight and a bus to catch.

I feel less interesting now that I'm doing this daily, but more grounded. It's probably time to examine that too.